My thoughts wandered to gift possibilities. Nothing seemed appropriate and I got frustrated. I came to the conclusion I couldn’t get you what you wanted most for your birthday. I would give a great deal to stroll to your mailbox on a sunny afternoon and hand you a birthday card from your Mom. These last few years have taught me a lot about longing. It is like an ache that sits at the back of your heart and resides no matter how you try to dislodge it. I wondered if you felt that way.
My Mum has a favorite saying, “fools walk where angels fear to tread.” She would often quote it to me when she figured I was going to launch into a well-intentioned project that was apt to end in disaster. With her words ringing in my ears, I am writing you a birthday letter.
I wanted you to know that you are different; a rough way to start a letter of encouragement I agree. I’m not even talking about the fact that you are descended from the raphaim. People who experience deep sorrow stand out in a way; you cannot experience loss and stay the same. I’m here to tell you though, that you look great in different.
You are kind, and generous. You cause yourself a great deal of hassle because you have a soft heart. No child who crosses your path goes ignored. Though your indecisiveness can drive me around the twist, you take up the struggle to involve as many young people as you can, so no tender hearts get bruised. Ministering to prepubescent hearts is like being a high school band teacher; a seven year run is expected before insanity comes knocking. I am unclear of your odds but my money is on you regardless.
You discuss food like it is a person. When you first wanted to, “introduce me to a lovely little breakfast casserole,” I figured that you had experienced brain damage at the hands of the food network. I made a mental note to be patient and to try not to mock you. As my monthly visits to your dinner table continued, I realized your kitchen is an extension of your heart. The Lord alone knows how many hours you spend in the kitchen cooking and loving on people who come into your house. It is amazing to watch you willingly do all of these things.
You love your family deeply and can't speak your brother’s name without smiling. You text, drive, fly, host and email them constantly, gluing your clan together in every way you can. It isn’t always easy, but when it is hard you keep trying. Your kids show the signs of being well adjusted happy hearts, with personality and depth. Despite your tendency towards radical growth, you are lovely people.
I wish I met your Mom, friend. I wish we had a piece of cake together that Sunday. Though I have only seen a faded Polaroid, I know without a doubt, that your mother would be proud of you. She would be proud of the mother you have become and who you are, different or not.
I pray blessings on you my dear, through this your fortieth year. I pray that singing would greet you in the mornings and that peace would flow like coffee through your home. More than anything, I pray joy on you this year, God’s endless, amazing, powerful joy.
Those who sow with tears
Will reap with songs of joy.
Those who go out weeping
Carrying seed to sow,
Will return with songs of joy,
Carrying sheaves with them.
Psalm 126:4-6
Much Love,
xoxK
