Nearly Naked

Unadorned

There are benefits to belonging to a homeschool community: excellent baking, access to reliable babysitters and the ability to wear denim skirts without censure.  There are codes of conduct we try to maintain, thankfulness, politeness and modesty; fairly sensible churchy things upon which we agree make life in community operate smoothly.  I understand these rules and do a fair job of keeping them which was why I was surprised when I was asked via email last week, if I was going to allow my daughter to deck her graduation cap  in pictures of naked people during a school ceremony.  As someone who regularly dresses before leaving the house, I have to confess I was confused.   Being fallible however, I touched base with my daughter to ensure she too was committed to clothing and hadn’t taken up as an exhibitionist.  I’m not into limiting artistic expression ya da, ya da….. But I wanted to ensure I didn’t need to ground her before diving into what was bound to be a precious community growth experience.  The disadvantage of homeschooling community is that life flows fairly well until it doesn’t and then no amount excellent baking and stretch denim can make up for the discipline of learning to keep your mouth shut.

You can understand why I felt set up for failure.

All jesting aside, it was a bit of a shock: a moment when the space between how you believe you are perceived and the evidence of another’s perception of you is found to be too vast to address in a civil manner.   The note put my mother bear instincts on instant high alert.  The only solution that presented itself to my raging mind was to write back that my daughter had not intended to draw naked people on her person, but rather sculpt nude replicas from Fimo after attending a naked hot yoga class, after which she would place them on her hat. 

Would you find it surprising that my husband and I have a system whereby I am not supposed to send emails when I’m angry? 

I was faced with a moment of decision.  I could either let my emotions rule, or I could invest in giving the benefit of the doubt to those who hurt me.  Don’t think for a moment that this is a blurb about how to be a better person; nothing could be farther from the truth.  This is a blurb for those who have met Jesus yet are continually faced with the fact that a ruinous force of self-righteousness lurks in their heart and much of their time is spent trying to figure out how to behave so as not to dishonor someone they love. 

So what is an angry, misunderstood, offended, Jesus-following woman to do?

This is the part where understanding you are a wretch is fairly helpful.  If you have ever failed, if you have ever been shamed for failing, and if you have ever felt regret you are blessed.  You have the ability to remind yourself of how you wish you had been treated and to act accordingly.  It is that simple. 

I sat down in front of my computer and wrote a response to the naked people email.  It was detailed and elaborate, covering every angle I could think of and listing all possible areas of misunderstanding.   I walked away from my masterpiece for a few hours and let it sit.  When I returned, I considered how much of what I had written was about me wanting to be understood and how much actually addressed the issue at hand.  Hitting delete, I started a new letter that contained a simple answer.  No, my daughter's hat would not be covered in images of someone’s nether regions.  Thank you for checking in with me.  Thank you for all your hard work.

Simple.

It seems to me that the church is big on the power of God “to do.”  We ask God to bless, to pour out, and to release.  These days, I’m much more focused on God’s power to withhold, to restrain and to contain.  Not because containing is better than pouring out, but that with the Lord, both come from a place of love.  Sometimes we need to learn that not expressing ourselves is the more loving thing to do.

And so I am praying for wisdom for you this week my friend, especially in the presence of your enemies.  Those who pat then jab, those who blink then wink, those who smile then smirk; that Jesus would contain and restrain their effects against you.  That by his grace, you would be able to restrain yourself and cover the naked unkindness that you see in your community so that you might become an agent of change.

Yep.  I just used "agent of change" in a sentence.  I’m really sorry.  There is no excuse for that.

Be amazing this week.  Bite your tongue. Pray for those who are unkind.

xoxKaren