"What ARE you doing?" My husband exclaimed as we drove away. He was loud but he wasn't angry. "Did you seriously just throw a bagel at her?!!" He started to laugh, "how the heck is that supposed to help?' He was going to steer into traffic and I was trying not to feel defensive.
He had a point. I you were driving by, it looked odd. Most people don't throw bagels at each other. But if if you had been there 5 minutes earlier, it would have made sense.
"Watch out!! What is she doing in the middle of the road?" I shouted at my husband. The woman was waving her arms as she teetered into oncoming traffic. The road wasn't too busy, but an afternoon walk down the yellow line of 4 traffic lanes seemed unwise, even by Seattle's standards. "Oh no, it's a puppy!" My man pointed to a small dog-ish looking creature bolting through the cars. "Hold on, let's see if we can stop." My husband slowed and I opened the door. "Here boy!" I called, trying to catch the wayward critters attention. "Please come here, you wicked beast," I coaxed sweetly. I caught the little dog's attention and he moved toward me. He took a step or two, then bent his front legs. His posture was an invitation to play chase.
"Darling...." my husband growled, which translated meant,I can't stay here for much longer do not make this situation more complicated by being helpful.
"Be quiet!" I snapped, "you aren't helping." I growled back at him and the dog. The little dog had mischief in his eyes, not comprehending the potential cost of his disobedience. The puppy came within reach but then bolted.
I muttered something rude. The pooch moved up to the sidewalk and the woman chasing him approached our car. "Honey, I NEED to get moving," my husband apologized. Traffic was beginning to pile up. "Hold on," I shouted. The woman was panting as she approached, unable to speak, she looked like she was going to have a stroke. "Wait!!" I screamed as a flash of brilliance washed over me, "I have a bagel!" The woman looked at me blankly, unclear if she had heard me correctly. I slowed down my speech in case her mild case of asphyxia had affected her ability to understand incredibly kind strangers, "try.. to.. lure.. him.. with.. this..." My spiritual head told me to shut the door and put his foot to the gas pedal as our car pulled away. The woman didn't have the breath to respond and staggered past our car. I felt utterly useless, "Here!" I screamed as we drove away, "take this..." And I pitched a seed covered bagel at her head.
It probably looked kind of weird.
My husband, whose sense of humor has increased immeasurably in the past two months, thought the entire affair was hysterically funny. I should point out he had seen the lady recapture her errant canine in the rear view mirror just after she dodged the bagel.
"What on earth were you doing?" he queried, looking astonished.
"I was HELPING!" I snapped back at him. I was cross now. "You DO think she understood what I was doing don't you?"
"What? Whipping a bagel at her head while her dog was trying to kill itself? Nope. I'm not sure she would have understood that." He was laughing hard now, enjoying the opportunity to tease his brilliantly creative spouse.
I groaned, " I thought I had been so clear." I paused a moment to reflect but didn't enjoy the view. Denial was my next best method of coping; denial followed by attack. "No! I don't believe you, I told her to try to catch him with the bagel before I threw it!! My husband said nothing and smiled.
"You stink!" I shouted and immediately started praying aloud, "Father God, my husband is an idiot and I need you to let that woman know I was trying to be helpful and that I was NOT trying to make matters worse!" More laughter. It took a while for things in the car to calm down but when they had, I still wasn't sure what more I could have done.
Do you ever feel that way, Dear heart? Have you ever tried to be of help, only to come away feeling useless or inadequate? Under pressure, your best efforts didn't have the desired effect and you left feeling misunderstood and foolish. You intended to help, but were clumsy and awkward, wounding a heart you knew was precious to the Lord.
Or perhaps, you are like the exhausted woman staggering down the street. Your efforts to rectify a situation were not enough and you needed the help of others to see you through. Vulnerability comes with the potential for an attack. Maybe someone who was supposed to help you only made matters worse. You needed a dogcatcher and you got a bagel thrown at your head.
I have found that sometimes, belonging to a church can be like that. Just recently, I had to pull bagel pieces out of my hair when a church member inadvertently offered me help that left me feeling ashamed and foolish. It was not the kind of help I needed.
When trials and suffering visit a soul, confusion and pain are the first through the door. Words are awkward things, with sharp edges and pointed meanings. It does not take much for misunderstanding to take place. In an effort to apply comfort, we can misjudge the hidden layers of meaning and bruise an aching heart. It takes courage to offer help and even more to receive it.
If you have recently been assaulted by anothers' good intentions, might I offer you a suggestion? Ask the Lord to bring to mind your own bagel pitching moment. Time and time again, the Lord has visited me with grace in my trial. When tears have dripped hot onto my pillow, I spent time asking Jesus to remind me of my less helpful moments. At times I cringe to think of the words that came from my mouth. Because of these moments, I have been able to afford others the grace I desperately need to survive suffering.
The temptation to cling to an offense is strong but when prayerfully placed before the Lord, a heart is able to do more than be offended. It is then that our God is able to visit us with grace and peace to withstand the trial.
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16 KJV
