Check Yourself

The text I got from my girl friend was brief,

Hubby said to mention your cheque for the text book didn't go through. Thought you should know in case you have more cheques out.  No stress, I'm not in a rush, feel free to put it off until whenever works.

It was a kind note considering my payment was now overdue, but it left me perplexed.  I was vigilant this month and faithful to balance my cheque book in order to convince my hubby that I was a proverbs 31 woman. It was a form of atonement for the rough month of crazy I was having.  Goodness knows I drove the poor man mad early in our marriage due to my inability to manage accounts.   But this month I had been careful and knew there was money available. I spent some time playing my least favorite game, "what-have-I-done-now?" But at the end of a few rounds I was no closer to an answer.  I texted my friend's husband to ask what the bank said when they returned the cheque.  "They said, account did not exist." He replied.  "Not insufficient funds, but can not find the account."   I started to feel mildly ill and went to find my cheque book.

I wasn't hard to find.  I had run out of cheques recently and stuck a new cheque book in my purse.  I grabbed the blue wallet and put it on the table.  I looked inside, stared hard and screamed.  

Did I tell you I moved recently?  In fact, I just unpacked the last of my boxes that were in storage. Specifically, the boxes that housed my office supplies. How happy I was to find my stapler, my three hole punch and my electric pencil sharpener.  I was less thrilled to go though old paperwork, with the task of separating what needed to be shredded from what needed to be filed.  I found piles of visa print outs, bank statements and even a box or two of old cheques. I placed them all in a bag to be shredded. Almost......

I remember pulling one of the cheque books out and smiling.  It was so old the bank no longer existed.  I wondered why I packed it away in the first place. Then I wondered if the proverbs 31 woman had hoarding issues.  I left the "to-be-shredded-cheque-book" on the kitchen table to show my hubby.  The brilliant reason why I moved it to my desk remains a mystery, but I can tell you it sat there for about two weeks.  When I ran out of cheques, I grabbed the obsolete cheque book and put it in my purse.  Since that time, I had been gaily writing bad cheques to friends and family alike.  Not cheques that would bounce you understand, but cheques to an account that hadn't existed for about five years. Because.. why... not...?

Back to the screaming.

The following week was filled with feeling utterly foolish, combined with some embarrassment and a healthy dose of humiliation.  I was upset with myself and to be honest friend, I just felt stupid.  It was a mindless error, but one I felt I should not have made.  So much for coming off like a fiscally responsible adult.      

Have you ever had to come to terms with the fact that you make mistakes? More to the point, have you come to terms with looking foolish?  A thoughtless word, a careless act, can cause those around us to view us differently.  We feel embarrassed, exposed and very human.  It is hard to pretend you have it all together when you don't.  It makes us look less than perfect and who enjoys that? Thank the Lord, there is a provision of grace to be found at the cross. There, we find Our Savior's portion of mercy for our failings; forgiveness and hope when we find ourselves in error or sin.  

There is only one worthy of worship friend.  None of us are perfect and no matter how much we like the praise and admiration of others, it belongs to one man only.

Time to sing......

 O for a thousand tongues to sing
my great Redeemer's praise,
the glories of my God and King,
the triumphs of his grace!

My gracious Master and my God,
assist me to proclaim,
to spread through all the earth abroad
the honors of thy name.

Jesus! the name that charms our fears,
that bids our sorrows cease;
'tis music in the sinner's ears,
'tis life, and health, and peace.

He breaks the power of canceled sin,
he sets the prisoner free;
his blood can make the foulest clean;
his blood availed for me.

He speaks, and listening to his voice,
new life the dead receive;
the mournful, broken hearts rejoice,
the humble poor believe.

Hear him, ye deaf; his praise, ye dumb,
your loosened tongues employ;
ye blind, behold your savior come,
and leap, ye lame, for joy.

I pray for joy this week friend.  Joy that comes, not from being perfect, but from the knowing the one who perfects his own.

xoxK

Quiet Riot

Since becoming a parent, quiet time has been hard to come by. Now that my children are reaching double digits, time alone is a virtual impossibility.  There is always someone to drive, teach or assist as the day rushes past.  As a result, the shower has become the place where I can retreat and have a solitary moment.   Truth be told, I pray a lot in the shower.  I lock the door and deeply enjoy the peace and calm of my 3 x 5 kingdom.  It is the closest thing to a ritual that I have. 

My ceremony was interrupted last week when I almost killed both myself and the family pet.  Life has been stressful lately because our budgie Carl, is changing into a girl.  Sounds complicated, but you cannot tell the gender of a budgie until it is about a year old.  Turns out, we were presumptuous and assigned Carl the wrong name and gender.  As a result, our budgie needs therapy and is acting out her aggression in creative ways.

On this particular day, everyone in the household was getting on my last nerve.  Instead of sending my children on an errand and locking them out of the house, I thought I would take a shower in order to regain my composure.  I assigned the girls a task and headed for the bathroom.   I didn't bother turning on the lights, I just wanted to be alone.  If I had turned on the lights, I would have realized that Carl, who was also grumpy, had followed me into the bathroom and perched herself on the shower rod.  I remained oblivious and intent on my mini vacation.  Within minutes I could feel the tension decreasing as the hot water worked its magic.  I was feeling better. 

Did you know that budgies like water?  That they like water so much they will go out of their way to get under a running tap whenever the opportunity presents itself?  Carl, whose eyes adjusted to the lack of light before mine, decided that she needed to get closer to the shower spray.  After a moment of contemplation, she decided my head would provide the perfect landing spot.  Imagine my surprise, when I reached up to run shampoo through my hair at exactly the moment Carl landed on my head.  I don’t know who was more surprised, me, at feeling her claws dig into my scalp, or her, for suddenly having all vision removed by shampoo bubbles.  It was alarming for both of us.  For the uninformed, any good budgie, when they have just survived an assassination attempt will do two things.  One: dig their claws deeper into whatever surface they are on to get purchase and two:  start cussing out the assassin at the top of their lungs.  The ensuing scene was not pretty.  I could mention that in the commotion, the shampoo bottle had tipped over, creating a slippery ribbon of death, running the length of the tub.  If I did, I would then need to find words to describe how my peaceful shower turned into a stark, hot yoga, fighting match with my almost blind budgerigar.  We aren't going there today.  I managed to pry the enraged critter off my head when I realized that something about my life really needed to change.

I took out a pen and paper, jotting down practical changes and available resources.  That got me nowhere but cross so I picked up my bible to look up some scripture on change and priorities.  The first scripture I came to was in Matthew,

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you (Matt 6:33).

To be honest, I groaned.  I had heard that before, I wanted a new scripture, a new word, and a new direction.  But it was then I realized I wasn't doing any of the old things I was responsible for very well, particularly my quiet time.  How many times had I come under conviction that I need to shift my schedule just a fraction in order to make my life less stressful?  How many times had I decided not to fold the laundry so that I could spend mindless time elsewhere?  How many walks could I have taken with my man, but chose to complete some petty chore instead of going on a walk and talk?  We don’t realize how much we need time apart until life hits and the feathers start flying.  I had not done a good job of daily seeking the Lord first and it was starting to show. 

Friend can I remind you that Jesus loves spending time with you?  He thinks you are lovely and He enjoys your company.  Might I encourage you to revisit your schedule to find times to seek God first?  You don’t need to light candles or chant, a simple chat over a cup of tea will suffice.  A walk around the block after supper, a moment on your knees in the living room before the monsters descend for breakfast, all these intentional acts are a worthwhile investment. 

I love those who love me; and those who diligently seek me will find me. Proverbs 8:17

My quiet time has been relocated to a dry location when the budgie is asleep.  I am praying Dear Heart that you can find a quiet corner this week to be refreshed and restored.  I pray Jesus will bless you with peace as you seek his priorities and purpose. 

Have a good week,

xoxK

Say “Hi and Happy Thanksgiving ” to my friends back home.  I miss you all so terribly, I wish with all my heart I were there.

Rough Wrappings

It was, without a doubt, one of the most difficult calls I've received.  The dear heart in question was sobbing so hard, I could barely understand her. Immediately, my throat went dry and my blood pressure climbed, every muscle tensed as tried to calm her down for my sake.  

"Dear Heart, hold on, hold on....let me pray."  The prayer wasn't much more than "Help us Jesus, we need you.  Help my friend breathe, help us please."
Slowly, painfully, the story unfolded as she gasped for breath and tried to stop crying.
"Never," she whimpered, "I've never been so ashamed..."

The conversation was awful.  My darling friend had slipped into a store to purchase a bottle of wine for a hostess gift on the way to a dinner*.  She was caught off guard when approached by a young woman who asked her name.  She was dumbfounded when the blonde proceeded to apologize for "talking to you in the store like this, but I know you have small children and I think you should know what is going on."   Right there, in the liquor store, Mrs. Blonde proceeded to blow up my sweet friends' world.  Informing her that her husband was cheating on her and frequenting websites she never knew existed.  The devastation took less than a minute and was absolute. There were no survivors.  It was unexpected, unedited and unpleasant.

A younger me would have seen the encounter as an attack of the enemy.  I would have classified the exchange as one straight from hell, intent on maiming my friend's confidence and faith.  The older me however, knows how to spot a gift when it is given.**  The year before the implosion had been difficult.  Strain, disappointment and fear had been my friends portion for too long.  We were praying regularly for God to fix what was broken and bring issues to the surface.  We had no idea what we were asking and no idea how God was going to respond to those petitions.  Heaven's answer to prayer came in wrappings so adverse, I started calling it a "rough package."

I can tell you now, almost two years later, the rough package that wrecked my friend was one of the most precious gifts she has been given.  She would agree, although it would be through tears that still fall readily from her heart.   When we speak, I bless the woman who confronted my friend.  I thank the Lord that He spoke to her pagan heart and gave her the courage to speak truth to a stranger. I am thankful that the years of fear and uncertainty are finally lifting, and that my dear companion is starting to laugh again.  God has seen fit to heal the devastation and to reward her with blessings she could never have imagined as she walks out of the shadows.

And you friend?  Any unwanted packages delivered to your door lately?  Has God who loves you jealously, sent an answer to prayer that you want to send back?  Take heart, it is not a mistake.  God is watching over you and will not leave as you struggle to unwrap all you have been given.  Though the outside tears your flesh and fills your heart with pain, He will remain faithful.  How you are feeling now will change as God walks you through the valley.  This parcel will not destroy you.  In due time, you will come out again.

 But now thus says the Lord,

he who created you, O Jacob,

    he who formed you, O Israel:

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

    I have called you by name, you are mine.

 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,

    and the flame shall not consume you.

 For I am the Lord your God,

    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Isaiah 43: 1-3

Thinking of you and praying for you this week.

xoxK

*I just used the term "hostess gift."
**  Dear Jesus, I don't really mean that.  I just needed to finish that sentence.  I don't know anything, and if I accidentally do know something, it is only because you point it out.