Hubby said to mention your cheque for the text book didn't go through. Thought you should know in case you have more cheques out. No stress, I'm not in a rush, feel free to put it off until whenever works.
It was a kind note considering my payment was now overdue, but it left me perplexed. I was vigilant this month and faithful to balance my cheque book in order to convince my hubby that I was a proverbs 31 woman. It was a form of atonement for the rough month of crazy I was having. Goodness knows I drove the poor man mad early in our marriage due to my inability to manage accounts. But this month I had been careful and knew there was money available. I spent some time playing my least favorite game, "what-have-I-done-now?" But at the end of a few rounds I was no closer to an answer. I texted my friend's husband to ask what the bank said when they returned the cheque. "They said, account did not exist." He replied. "Not insufficient funds, but can not find the account." I started to feel mildly ill and went to find my cheque book.
I wasn't hard to find. I had run out of cheques recently and stuck a new cheque book in my purse. I grabbed the blue wallet and put it on the table. I looked inside, stared hard and screamed.
Did I tell you I moved recently? In fact, I just unpacked the last of my boxes that were in storage. Specifically, the boxes that housed my office supplies. How happy I was to find my stapler, my three hole punch and my electric pencil sharpener. I was less thrilled to go though old paperwork, with the task of separating what needed to be shredded from what needed to be filed. I found piles of visa print outs, bank statements and even a box or two of old cheques. I placed them all in a bag to be shredded. Almost......
I remember pulling one of the cheque books out and smiling. It was so old the bank no longer existed. I wondered why I packed it away in the first place. Then I wondered if the proverbs 31 woman had hoarding issues. I left the "to-be-shredded-cheque-book" on the kitchen table to show my hubby. The brilliant reason why I moved it to my desk remains a mystery, but I can tell you it sat there for about two weeks. When I ran out of cheques, I grabbed the obsolete cheque book and put it in my purse. Since that time, I had been gaily writing bad cheques to friends and family alike. Not cheques that would bounce you understand, but cheques to an account that hadn't existed for about five years. Because.. why... not...?
Back to the screaming.
The following week was filled with feeling utterly foolish, combined with some embarrassment and a healthy dose of humiliation. I was upset with myself and to be honest friend, I just felt stupid. It was a mindless error, but one I felt I should not have made. So much for coming off like a fiscally responsible adult.
Have you ever had to come to terms with the fact that you make mistakes? More to the point, have you come to terms with looking foolish? A thoughtless word, a careless act, can cause those around us to view us differently. We feel embarrassed, exposed and very human. It is hard to pretend you have it all together when you don't. It makes us look less than perfect and who enjoys that? Thank the Lord, there is a provision of grace to be found at the cross. There, we find Our Savior's portion of mercy for our failings; forgiveness and hope when we find ourselves in error or sin.
There is only one worthy of worship friend. None of us are perfect and no matter how much we like the praise and admiration of others, it belongs to one man only.
Time to sing......
O for a thousand tongues to sing
my great Redeemer's praise,
the glories of my God and King,
the triumphs of his grace!
My gracious Master and my God,
assist me to proclaim,
to spread through all the earth abroad
the honors of thy name.
Jesus! the name that charms our fears,
that bids our sorrows cease;
'tis music in the sinner's ears,
'tis life, and health, and peace.
He breaks the power of canceled sin,
he sets the prisoner free;
his blood can make the foulest clean;
his blood availed for me.
He speaks, and listening to his voice,
new life the dead receive;
the mournful, broken hearts rejoice,
the humble poor believe.
Hear him, ye deaf; his praise, ye dumb,
your loosened tongues employ;
ye blind, behold your savior come,
and leap, ye lame, for joy.
I pray for joy this week friend. Joy that comes, not from being perfect, but from the knowing the one who perfects his own.
xoxK
