Fill Up

I knew it was going to be a bad morning when I couldn't find my glasses.  The instant I reached across my pillow and grasped air instead of my specs was the moment I should have cried,” Stay in bed children, we’re cancelling Thursday!”  Sadly, years of training and misplaced optimism kicked in and I stumbled out of bed, sightless, to start my morning routine.

On the way to the bathroom, I stepped on a plate of half eaten peanut butter toast and tripped over a curtain road that was used as a wizard’s staff the night before.  I cursed, retraced my steps back to my night table and started the hunt for my glasses.

Few things are as vexing as being sightless looking for your glasses, but over time I have developed a system to retrieve them.  I immediately blame my entire family for moving my belongings and making my role as a mother more difficult.  Then I scream at people to help me while attacking them for asking useful questions such as, “When do you last remember having them?”  When irritation has morphed into a feeling of unjust persecution, I stomp around the flat begging the Lord for his help, because I've lost my glasses and my brilliant family can’t find them.  Inevitably, after I have made everyone miserable, my eye wear is found and I begin my ungracious apologies. 

It’s not as fun as it sounds, which was why I gave thanks when my return trip was rewarded by a glimpse of my glasses on the floor.  Thanking Jesus for small victories, I danced around the toast plate and headed for the shower.

To be honest friend, finding my glasses was not enough to keep my mood in check.  The last week had presented a cocktail of discouragement, to which I added a shot of self-pity, my hormones contributing a dash of irrationality.  Instead of talking with my hubby or a friend, I had decided to tough it out, hoping the sadness in my heart would lift because I knew I was being silly.  It didn’t.  Which might explain why I  started weeping when I piled my children in the car and found the gas tank empty.

Sighing deeply, I went to the gas station.  Pulling in, I thanked the Lord for low gas prices and started to talk sternly to myself about the goodness of God.  My therapy session was interrupted almost immediately by a woman on the other side of the pump.

It was a cold day and she was wearing sunglasses and a delightfully fuzzy white jacket.  (The expensive faux fur type not the ewok-gone-wrong kind.)  Waving the pump handle around in an unsafe manner, she was doing a sort of dance with the hose.  I wasn’t sure what was going on, but because I am a brave empathetic Christian, I decided to hide behind the gas pump. 

Add some more dancing and waving, and insert me looking around to ensure no one nearby was juggling with fire.  Too late, I had been spotted.

"Excuse!!" She shouted.  "EXCUSE!!"
I bravely peered out from behind the pump. "Hello??" I replied.  She didn't look too scary, minus the whole waving-a-flammable-liquid-around thing.  "Umm....Hi?"  I stepped out of hididng.
"Do you need help?" She asked me, pointing to the pump nozzle.  
I stared blankly at her, while my ESL subroutines kicked in.  "Excuse?"  I countered.  I didn't need any help.  I needed to be left alone.  What was this woman saying?
"Do....you....need....help?" My Asian friend repeated the phrase slowly because clearly I was having trouble speaking English.  To further demonstrate, she swung the nozzle at her gas tank and declared, "Fill, no!"
It suddenly became clear and I smiled, "You need help?  You can't fill your car?"
Relief swept across her face, "Yes!" she replied.  "Help."
The next 5 minutes were taken up with me feeling clever, showing my new friend how to pump gas.

                                 

Dear heart, this week kicks off holiday mayhem here in America.  Chances are between now and Jan 2, 2015 you will have a moment of feeling unsupported, unappreciated and underfunded.  You are going to need help maintaining a thankful heart and getting through the season.  Nothing brings out depression and melancholy like the media’s finest pagans, lying their faces off about what constitutes a meaningful Christmas.

My new friend provided a delightful picture of what you can do when you feel blue and need some help surviving the holiday.  If you are in need of assistance ask someone, “Can I help you?”

Restore our fortunes, O Lord,

like streams in the Negev!

Those who sow in tears

shall reap with shouts of joy!

He who goes out weeping,

bearing the seed for sowing,

shall come home with shouts of joy,

bringing his sheaves with him.

Ps 126: 4-6

Look for opportunities to sow a seed when you find yourself weeping dear friend.  While you are praying for the Lord to encourage you and lift your spirits, be kind to someone else.  You cannot begin to fathom how many people find the holidays difficult.  Is your sister an addict who will be absent from your Christmas celebration?  Write a 5 sentence note to an addictions counselor in your church or community thanking them for their work.  Are you desperately lonely, missing a loved one? Look for a way to visit a senior’s home, bring cookies, read a book to a sad heart. 

Is this a broken season for you?  Are you barely able to lift your head from your tear stained pillow?  Try brave heart, to write one note of encouragement this season to one who is struggling as you are.  Helping others will not cure all the wounds in your heart, but it will help.

God of All Comfort

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.  2 Cor 1:3-5

And so we are marching bravely friend, into the holidays.  Into our dark world, where beautiful and horrible things will happen, where you can choose to shine brightly.  You can choose, to be a light no matter how overwhelmed you may feel.  With your God, you can be in need of help, but still have the grace to ask, “Can I help you?”

God is our strength, it’s time to fill up.

Praying for you.

xoxK