Bound and Determined

The moment my arm got stuck in the wheel well, the kitten scratched my hand causing me to jerk backward and smash my head on the tire.  I ended up with a black streak across my right cheek and if I were being honest, I’d tell you I’m pretty sure I licked the tire when I howled in pain.  It was about then I realized my desire to be helpful was getting out of control. 

A disturbance outside had caused me to leave the flat, in time to see a group of crows chasing something furry under my car. I shooed the birds away and stooped to take a look.  Nothing.  Thinking Mr. Squirrel had upset someone, I turned to leave when I heard an earsplitting “MEW” ring out from under my car.  

The hunt was on.

Thirty minutes later, my children noticed I was missing and came outside.  Thirty minutes after that, my teenagers were under the van with mittens on, shouting instructions at each other while a tiny ginger cat balanced near the rear axle and ran into spaces in my car I never knew existed.  They were covered in dirt and oil, and were doing a fantastic job of not squishing the small, stubborn, sticky footed feline.  It was an excruciating experience, trying to rescue a creature that did not want to be rescued.  We were close to success when the daft critter bolted and crawled into the engine of a car a few doors down. 

The rescue effort was cancelled due to time constraints and everyone felt miserable for the rest of the day.  It was a very frustrating experience.  The kitten belonged to one of the feral cat families in the area.  It was sad, trying to rescue an animal that was working against us.  It got me to thinking about my own stubborn heart and all the ways that I make my life difficult. 

I ask the Lord to increase my faith, and whimper when a situation comes that is beyond my ability to fix.  Instead of viewing it as an opportunity to trust, I sit and fuss, batting away all attempts to step out in faith and prayer.  I sit in the dark fretting, rather than accepting help that is offered.   I would rather be comforted and coddled rather than convicted and corrected.  I don't want the help that God offers, much like the little creature under my car.    

Do you have any situations like that in your life friend?  Any offers for help you’ve ignored lately?  Have you asked the Lord for support only to turn down a dinner invitation because investing in relationships is too hard?  Ever wished that you had help with the children but refused to let your hubby hire a sitter so you could go out on a date?  It doesn’t make much sense does it?

It happens over and over.  We beg God for help, yet turn down resources and support when it is offered by another.  What we really want is for God to make us entirely self-sufficient, to give us strength and resources so that we don’t need to be humbled in front of others.  Lord, help me so that I don’t need you anymore.  It is odd, we are a strange people.

I’m praying for you this week my friend.  That you might find the strength to allow someone to help you.  That in being vulnerable, you might find the Lord will rise up and meet you in a way that surprises and delights you.

You are worth it.

xoxKaren

The kittens in the parking lot are still at large, climbing into cars and staying up late.  Strangely, my girlfriend introduced me to her new cat this week.  His name is Perry. I think I know his cousins.  

Happy Father's Day

Hello Friend!

It is Father's day!  I hope caffeine and sugar are in your future. Is Father's day a positive event or a painful one in your house? Maybe both?  Me too.  I know some amazing families and today I am thinking about the ones whose Daddies are in heaven. To be truthful, my heart is heavy.  Last year, two of my friend's circles were touched by death.  Young men, who died unexpectedly, left holes in their families and shattered hearts.

I wanted to share with you a letter I wrote to an amazing woman who has become a single parent.  The role was thrust upon her and by God's grace she is still standing.  We thought perhaps someone might be encouraged if we shared the letter.  It was written to her girls, the first Father's day he was unable to be with them.  

Friend, think of those who don't have Dad's at home. Abandonment, illness, broken relationships: there are many ways fatherhood is damaged.  Pray for their families, think of ways to bless their tribe.  The eyes of our Father hover over the orphan and the widow.  They are dear to His heart.

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Dearest Wiley Girls,

My name is Ms. Karen and I am a friend of Miss J.  Miss J and I talk on the phone and pray early on school mornings, when you are still tucked in bed sleeping.  Since your Daddy died last fall, we pray for your family often.  We pray for courage, peace and that somehow, God will hold you close while your sweet hearts are hurting.  You must miss your Daddy so much.

I have daughters too.  They lost a family member they loved 3 years ago.  We all cried a lot and it was a hard time.  You will probably get this letter on Father’s day.  I was thinking this might be a sad day.  Sometimes, when I miss my family, I think about heaven.

Did you know the bible tells us where we go when we die?  Jesus says, “Trust me.  There is plenty of room for you in my Father’s house.  If that weren’t so, would I have told you that I’m on my way to get a room ready for you.  And if I’m on my way to get your room ready, I’ll come back and get you so you can live where I live. (John 14:1-4 The message.) 

That means right now, your Dad is with Jesus in heaven.  I bet that today, they are talking about how much they love you.  I think your Dad is looking at the rooms Jesus is building for you in his house.  I think he is telling Jesus about your favourite colours, your favourite stuffed animals and helping get your rooms ready.  I know that you aren’t going to heaven anytime soon, but I know that you will see your Daddy again.  What a happy day that will be.

I was thinking that maybe, if you wanted, you could call Father’s Day- Daughter’s Day.  Do you want to know why?  Because I know that Jesus and your Dad think you are amazing daughters.  You are brave, beautiful girls and Jesus and Dad are so proud of you.

Some people think that being brave means you can fight tigers.  Some people think being brave means you never feel sacred.  But you know what?  That isn’t true. 

Brave girls are the ones that cry and then get ready for school.   Brave girls eat their cereal even when their whole body is sad.  Brave girls walk into places when they would rather be in their beds.

You Wiley Girls are brave girls.  Your Dad made you brave.

So, this Father’s Day/Daughter’s Day, I think you should celebrate how amazing you are.  Because I live far away, I am asking Ms. J to take you for ice cream.  I think brave girls should eat ice cream.  Maybe you could eat ice cream and tell Ms. J how great your Dad is.  And maybe in heaven, your Dad is having ice cream with Jesus and telling him what great daughters he has. 

I will keep praying for you and maybe when I visit Ms. J this summer, we can all go for ice cream AGAIN!

You are a special family,

xoxKaren

Investing

Ask a group of people how God speaks to them and you are bound to get a lot of interesting answers.  You might start a few arguments, unleash some bitter root judgements and vex a couple people in the process.  Perhaps you shouldn’t ask the question after all.  Without being overtly spiritual, I can tell you when I know God is speaking to me directly.  It happens about when I have lost all patience and want to run someone’s head through a wall. 

I told you it wasn’t a deeply spiritual communication.

This week, I was in exactly that place.  I was staring across a desk at smiling woman who was being utterly useless and catastrophically unhelpful.  She excelled in the art of apology, but was falling short in her ability to get anything accomplished.  Her form of “help” was akin to shouting directions from the river bank at a drowning swimmer.  This assumes she were sitting in a lounge chair, drinking a white wine sangria, and her instructions were about how best to paint ones toenails.  I was trying desperately not to behave in a hateful manner but she was breathing my air and I was starting to resent her very existence. 

That, dear friend, is when I know that God has something to say to me.  Let me be clear, it’s not that I want to hear from him at those moments, but training has lead me to understand that when I am furious at someone, 9 times out of 10, I’m to blame. 

It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling. Prov 20:3

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out Prov 17:14

I seem to need constant training in this area, so the good Lord continues to introduce me to new layers of bureaucracy, idiocy and technology so that I can pass His tests.  He is so very good to me, He is always investing in my character.

Did I mention I’m failing miserably?

What about you friend?  How are you doing with life’s little tests and trials?  Are you framing them with faith and learning or frustration and legalism?  A wonderful young man of 14 summed it up best this week, when he told his mother that she could stop investing in his character and future, because it was leading to excessive amounts of frustration on his part.  

Amen brother.

I’m praying for myself this week.

(and you as well.....)

xoxKaren

Called and Qualified

Happy Sunday Friend,

I hope you are having a good day.  Did you listen to a good preach this morning?  I owed you a letter after our conversation the other day and I wanted you to know I was thinking of you on Friday and Saturday. 

I was brave and ventured outside of my postage stamp sized comfort zone this weekend.  After signing up for some training, I found myself sitting around a table with 8 new stranger-friends.  We were thrown into an instant community and I must say, God was really kind.  It was a very supportive group.  They were all ridiculously functional, crazy gifted and super talented.

Remember last month, when you told me you had been chosen to be on the board of the committee you loved?  You were so happy and we could both see how God had opened doors for you to accept the position.  I remember praying with you, thanking God for the opportunity.  You were so excited. Do you remember how you were after the first meeting?  I laugh to think about it, (yes it IS still funny).  You came home and called me in tears.  “God made an awful mistake!”  I remember listening to you list the reasons why you weren't qualified.  You gave me about 12 of them.  You listed your hair colour and the fact you didn't own a pencil skirt as disqualifiers.  I was deeply compassionate and giggled my head off.  It took a lot to talk you off that ledge.  I remember thinking, “faith can change a lot in 24 hours if you aren't vigilant.”

I wanted you to know I had my own faith freak out this weekend.

The morning I left for training the weather was perfect.  I was driving through a beautiful part of the state, Mount Baker smiling down on me.  Arriving on time, I found the class fantastic.  It was fast paced, informative with lots of opportunities to ask questions. We had a lunch break and hit the books again.  By the end of the second session, I started to get of a sense of my classmates abilities and gifting’s.  It was about that time that I wondered what on earth I was doing there.   Partway through the second set of presentations it hit.  A complete reversal of faith.  I looked at the other presenters and was absolutely certain God had made a mistake. I looked at my papers and wondered, “What am I doing here?  I am utterly unqualified.”  My hands started shaking, and I forgot all the reasons why I had gone to the class in the first place.  When I managed to breathe again, I thought of our conversation.

So dear friend, I wanted a “do over.”  I know that I wasn't the epitome of understanding last time, I was laughing too hard.  But my own experience this weekend had me thinking and I wanted to try hit the subject again.

I wanted you to know it was a blessing you feel unqualified.  Think of all the characters throughout history who have felt that way.  Moses said he couldn't speak, Gideon professed to be a nobody, Jonah went AWOL: the bible is full of men and women who were unsure why God called them.  I am beginning to suspect it is part of the process of committing to a task.  You realize the project before you is enormous and part of your mind panics. 

You weren't chosen because you are perfect dear friend, you were chosen because God gave you the task.  Therefore, it is God’s job to supply you with the grace and strength you need.  I would ignore the realm of internet pop-psychology and focus on the truth of scripture. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Co 12:9  

Life isn't made for us to feel comfortable, if you never feel uncomfortable or frightened, you are probably dead.  I don’t think you are dead yet. If you are, I’m mad at you for not telling me. 

I think part of the problem is that I am spiritually double minded.  One day I say, “Lord, use my life” and then when he gives me an opportunity I scream, “Lord what doest thou?”  It’s kind of stupid. 

My best advice; don’t be stupid.  You have asked God for the opportunity.  He brought you one.  Memorize your scripture, stick to the task and get it done.  Be prayerful, thoughtful and diligent.  You are little, God is big.

Enough said.

I’m praying for you,

xoxKaren