Birds of a Feather

When the bird flew into the kitchen, skimming across the dip and landing on the broccoli, the will to live began to seep from my body.  It had been a long day and constructing a meal for my people was taking forever before breaking every health code known to mankind.  I sighed and pitched the dip and veggies in the garbage.  Birds are like overtired toddlers who have been imbued by the Creator with the gift of flight.  Imagine a 2 year old, tired, hungry and about to throw themselves on the kitchen floor in protest, when suddenly, they decide to levitate and perch them self on the top of the fridge.  I looked at my daughter’s cockatiel and said something rude.  He hissed in reply.   We stared at each other, sizing up our opponent.  Nothing says fun like trying to catch a creature that can defecate on your head. That sentiment summed up my day, cleaning up one mess after the other, chasing destructive forces and trying to contain the damage. 

It’s been a rough week so let’s just cut to the chase.  Pretend we have already consumed a cup in your kitchen.  We’ve done the dishes and tidied the counters, but now we’re topping up our mugs and headed for the living room.  That’s me on the couch in the corner – see me?  Great.  Now be a dolly and bring the cookies in here too.  We are going to need the sugar to keep us going.  

While munching a cookie and comparing our social calendars, we would inevitably start to discuss how quickly time is passing as we raise our children.  Within a few more minutes I would hijack the conversation because this week I came to a major realization about human relationships.  I decided the most time saving skill a human can learn is to identify which people are worth investing in.  It seems simple, but the question “Does this person treat me well, are they in this relationship for my good?” can be fraught with uncertainty.  Ideally, the answer should be clear.  The answer should be quick.  The answer should be yes.***

In my Christian home-school bubble, I meet a lot of amazing women; devout, energetic, talented ladies many of whom run families, businesses and organizations.  It’s a charmed existence really, except when the science of sin rears its head and community life becomes strained.  I enjoy people, except I find it annoying when they don’t do what I want.  For me, that’s an everyday thing.   Blessedly, we have common goals and cut each other a lot of grace when things go sideways. 

However relationships where teens are involved can be more complicated.  I have the honor of working with teens a few times a week, which is an amazing blessing, except when it’s not.  When it’s not, conversations with youth can swirl like a hormonal hot tub of strong opinions, feelings and ideas. When the waters get heated and the jets get going, it’s hard to remember I’m the functional adult who is to set a good example of how to disagree with others.   Many young people are getting pulled into arguments by simply observing the bad behavior of adults in their world.  
   

A stumbling block for many in faith communities is the staggering concept that not everyone wants to be your friend.  Not everyone has your good in mind and not everyone is kind.  In theory we expect to be kicked in this dog eat dog world, but take the premise into communities of worship….

It’s a shocker. 

This is a piece of unsettling information that hits the teen set hard. If they discover an incongruity between a person's professed faith and their behavior,  anger is frequently the result.  It takes maturity to help a teen wade through the disappointment hypocrisy creates and to encourage them to offer grace to the offender.  Teens need to adjust their expectations.  I see this when faith communities allow cliques to flourish in their organizations without challenging the mentality behind exclusive behavior.   Sadly, sin exists everywhere and humans tend to exclude those they don't know.  Living out the spirit of inclusion displayed by Jesus is a lifelong battle.  

In my world, a social media group was constructed to help facilitate interaction between those with similar goals.  I recently learned that a fraction of the first group had set up their own group, smaller and more select, containing members they perceived were more popular.    

It was sad but predictable. 

This is where the time saving part comes in. I wonder how much time I have spent in my (not quite) 50 years trying to make unpleasant people like me.  One of the liberating things about age is that you care less about such things, but the trick is trying to convey this truth to those who are young.  This is where the life of Jesus is so informative.  Any study of scripture will disabuse you of the notion of radical social acceptance.  Sometimes you need to take the loss of a relationship and keep moving.  If Jesus was rejected and felt the effects, is there any reason why we would should expect something different?

The key is in the moving on in grace.  Leave those who are exclusive for the  Lord to deal with.  Spend time with those who love you, pray for new friends if they are needed and engage in the rebuilding process.  Let the rejection do its work and become more inclusive - not less.  The world is in great need of those who can get beyond the “bird of a feather stick together” mentality.  Hiding in a bubble where you are never critiqued, challenged or changed is no way to grow. 

Birds of a feather may stick together, but they can make an awful mess. 

Praying for you this week,

xoxKaren

***Thank you Andrew Pudewa, a thousand times thank you.

PS.  Some of you were emailed an old Christmas devotional this morning.  I apologize.  I have no idea what I did to cause that.  I would promise it will never happen again or tell you I’m looking into it, but  really I’m mildly panicking and hoping for the best at this point.

Quote picture from quotefancy.com