Breaking Bread

"What ARE you doing?"  My husband exclaimed as we drove away.  He was loud but he wasn't angry.  "Did you seriously just throw a bagel at her?!!"  He started to laugh, "how the heck is that supposed to help?'  He was going to steer into traffic and I was trying not to feel defensive.

He had a point.  I you were driving by, it  looked odd.  Most people don't throw bagels at each other.  But if if you had been there 5 minutes earlier, it would have made sense.

"Watch out!!  What is she doing in the middle of the road?"  I shouted at my husband.  The woman was waving her arms as she teetered into oncoming traffic.  The road wasn't too busy, but an afternoon walk down the yellow line of 4 traffic lanes seemed unwise, even by Seattle's standards.  "Oh no, it's a puppy!"  My man pointed to a small dog-ish looking creature bolting through the cars.  "Hold on, let's see if we can stop."  My husband slowed and I opened the door.  "Here boy!" I called, trying to catch the wayward critters attention.  "Please come here, you wicked beast," I coaxed sweetly.  I caught the little dog's attention and he moved toward me. He took a step or two, then bent his front legs.  His posture was an invitation to play chase.
"Darling...." my  husband growled, which translated meant,I can't stay here for much longer do not make this situation more complicated by being helpful.
"Be quiet!" I snapped, "you aren't helping." I growled back at him and the dog.  The little dog had mischief in his eyes, not comprehending the potential cost of his disobedience.  The puppy came within reach but then bolted.

I muttered something rude.  The pooch moved up to the sidewalk and the woman chasing him approached our car.  "Honey, I NEED to get moving," my husband apologized.  Traffic was beginning to pile up.  "Hold on," I shouted.  The woman was panting as she approached, unable to speak, she looked like she was going to have a stroke.  "Wait!!" I screamed as a flash of brilliance washed over me, "I have a bagel!"  The woman looked at me blankly, unclear if she had heard me correctly.  I slowed down my speech in case her mild case of asphyxia had affected her ability to understand incredibly kind strangers, "try.. to.. lure.. him.. with.. this..."  My spiritual head told me to shut the door and put his foot to the gas pedal as our car pulled away.  The woman didn't have the breath to respond and staggered past our car.  I felt utterly useless, "Here!"  I screamed as we drove away, "take this..." And I pitched a seed covered bagel at her head.

It probably looked kind of weird.

My husband, whose sense of humor has increased immeasurably in the past two months, thought the entire affair was hysterically funny.  I should point out he had seen the lady recapture her errant canine in the rear view mirror just after she dodged the bagel.
"What on earth were you doing?" he queried, looking astonished.
"I was HELPING!" I snapped back at him.  I was cross now.  "You DO think she understood what I was doing don't you?"
"What? Whipping a bagel at her head while her dog was trying to kill itself?  Nope.  I'm not sure she would have understood that."  He was laughing hard now, enjoying the opportunity to tease his brilliantly creative spouse.
I groaned, " I thought I had been so clear."  I paused a moment to reflect but didn't enjoy the view. Denial was my next best method of coping; denial followed by attack.  "No!  I don't believe you, I told her to try to catch him with the bagel before I threw it!!  My husband said nothing and smiled.
"You stink!"  I shouted and immediately started praying aloud,  "Father God, my husband is an idiot and I need you to let that woman know I was trying to be helpful and that I was NOT trying to make matters worse!"  More laughter.  It took a while for things in the car to calm down but when they had, I still wasn't sure what more I could have done.

Do you ever feel that way, Dear heart?  Have you ever tried to be of help, only to come away feeling useless or inadequate?  Under pressure, your best efforts didn't have the desired effect and you left feeling misunderstood and foolish.  You intended to help, but were clumsy and awkward, wounding a heart you knew was precious to the Lord.

Or perhaps, you are like the exhausted woman staggering down the street.  Your efforts to rectify a situation were not enough and you needed the help of others to see you through. Vulnerability comes with the potential for an attack.  Maybe someone who was supposed to help you only made matters worse.  You needed a dogcatcher and you got a bagel thrown at your head.

I have found that sometimes, belonging to a church can be like that.  Just recently, I had to pull bagel pieces out of my hair when a church member inadvertently offered me help that left me feeling ashamed and foolish. It was not the kind of help I needed.

When trials and suffering visit a soul, confusion and pain are the first through the door.  Words are awkward things, with sharp edges and pointed meanings.  It does not take much for misunderstanding to take place. In an effort to apply comfort, we can misjudge the hidden layers of meaning and bruise an aching heart.  It takes courage to offer help and even more to receive it.

If you have recently been assaulted by anothers' good intentions, might I offer you a suggestion?  Ask the Lord to bring to mind your own bagel pitching moment.  Time and time again, the Lord has visited me with grace in my trial.  When tears have dripped hot onto my pillow, I spent time asking Jesus to remind me of my less helpful moments.  At times I cringe to think of the words that came from my mouth.  Because of these moments, I have been able to afford others the grace I desperately need to survive suffering.

The temptation to cling to an offense is strong but when prayerfully placed before the Lord, a heart is able to do more than be offended.  It is then that our God is able to visit us with grace and peace to withstand the trial.
   
     Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16 KJV  

Devoted to the Downhearted

Starting a thank you note with an excerpt from a manual on drowning seemed strange but I did it anyway.  December was a difficult month and I was grateful God sent people to love on me. I wanted to send a thank you note that meant something.  A sermon by Pastor Tim  Dilena on faith convicted me so deeply that I find myself writing about it for the third time.  As 2013 comes to an end, New Year’s messages abound.  Pitiably, New Year’s resolutions are being dragged off the blood sucking heap of futility, to be recycled, repolished and reattempted.  It irks me. 

Truth be told, I am looking for a New Year’s message that holds more significance than slender thighs.  Despite my deep desire for the aforementioned appendages, there is something I needed  more in 2013.  Hope.  Though I pray 2014 will be radically different, I suspect I will need hope again.

Until recently, I would not have looked for the desperate and drowning in the pews of our churches.  I spent my life in the church and grew up believing those within its walls were safe and happy and those without were lost and hurting.  Not quite.  The life of a believer is fraught with trials.  God fearing saints often experience painful circumstances and can become overwhelmed at their intensity. 

Paul writes,

 ^8-11 We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. (2 Cor 1:8-10 The Message)

An article in the Coast Guard’s On Scene magazine describes drowning.  (This is difficult, stay with me, we will end up somewhere positive I promise.)

Except in rare circumstances, drowning people are physiologically unable to call out for help. The respiratory system was designed for breathing. Speech is the secondary or overlaid function. Breathing must be fulfilled, before speech occurs.

The mouths of drowning people are not above the surface of the water long enough for them to exhale, inhale, and call out for help. When the drowning people’s mouths are above the surface, they exhale and inhale quickly as their mouths start to sink below the surface of the water.

Drowning people cannot wave for help.  Physiologically, drowning people who are struggling on the surface of the water cannot stop drowning and perform voluntary movements such as waving for help, moving toward a rescuer, or reaching out for a piece of rescue equipment.(Source: On Scene Magazine: Fall 2006  : On Scene Magazine: Fall 2006 (page 14))

Do you know Dear Heart, that as you worshiped this morning; chances are strong that someone near you was drowning?  If you asked them how they were doing, they would have been unable to explain for the hundredth time, what the Lord is doing with their family.  Someone in church was without the strength to respond to one more altar call having gone forward three times in a row without seeing their prodigal return. Someone fasted for a loved one only to have their prayers lay wet and unanswered at their feet.  The breath to read scripture and believe it had gone; eclipsed by trials and suffering they never anticipated.   At times we are frightened, overwhelmed and needing a helping hand.

Let me now quote a far superior lifesaving manual,

                ¹⁹ So shall they fear the name of the Lord from the west, and his glory from the rising of the sun. When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him. Isaiah 59:19

I think unanswered prayer is one of the most difficult trials to experience within our North American churches.  To hold onto faith, I scoured the writings of Christendom and found the writings that helped me most were written before the 1900’s.   There I found reassurance that spirit filled believers struggle and are faced with trials they are unable to overcome on their own.

How wonderful God promises to rescue his children. 

The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; Psalm 34:19

Paul goes on to explain,

As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing. You and your prayers are part of the rescue operation—I don’t want you in the dark about that either. I can see your faces even now, lifted in praise for God’s deliverance of us, a rescue in which your prayers played such a crucial part. (2 Cor 1:8-10 The Message)

I wish I were a real writer.  Then I could share with you the sense of dismay at having followed God into a dark and frightening place.  Perhaps my words are not necessary, because you visited this valley yourself.  If I could explain the tears I cried over unanswered prayer, you might understand the relief that comes when someone brings a word of encouragement.  The hours spent wrestling over the sovereignty of God, His ability to redeem, His plans when human hope is extinguished; even these monsters sing God’s praise when help arrives. 

May I encourage you, as you consider the New Year, to join the Lord in is work to lift up the downhearted?  It is not as difficult as it sounds.  How many times has the Holy Spirit laid a person on your heart, for you to find out later they were struggling?  Have you ever heard of an unsettling incident befalling a friend, only to realize the Lord brought them to your mind just days before?  Did you send a note, text, email or card?  Such acts may seem small and insignificant but for one in the dark night of the soul it is life and relief.

Be extravagant with your encouragement this year and stingy with your critiques.  Send a quick note, offer a loving word, and tell someone you were praying for them.  You could well be the answer to someone’s prayer.  Instead of focusing on egg whites, caloric content and chubby body parts in 2014 seek first the kingdom of God and focus on the body of Christ.  I assure you, you will be more blessed devoting yourself to her beauty rather than your own. 

May God bless you richly this coming year,

KB
Pastor Tim Dilena's sermons are on the Brooklyn Tabernacle website.  He speaks about ministering to those around us who are drowing.  Anything here that seems insightful definitely came from his work.  

Peace or Pirates

I think there are a set of rules for blogs.  I don’t know any of them, but I figure that at the very least, people who write “Christian” blogs don’t write about their friend’s mistakes.   They are holy people who confess their own sins knowing that the Lord is watching their behavior and reading their blog entries.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
James5:16                                                                                                                                                                                    

But, I am convinced that sharing my friend’s mistakes helps develop their character. Where is the fun in exposing myself as a twit if I can’t have company? At this point, I want to introduce you to my dear friend, Lydia.
 
I love Lydia deeply.  She is a wonderful human being and a desert friend.  Do you have a desert friend?  Someone who has seen you through a crisis, whose heart is knitted to yours?  No matter when you last spoke, you can still pick up where you left off with no complications?  That is my Lydia.

Lydia has been through more trials than I in the past three and half years, which is saying a lot.  Her extended family is a collection of dysfunctional individuals who try to force her into the role of ringmaster.  Though she turned down their job offer, she has followed the Lord into the valley of the shadow which has meant following the circus and cleaning up.  She has fulfilled every task Jesus laid at her feet.  It has been breathtaking to watch. 

Faithfully, she has cared for an incapacitated relative, ailing parents and her own family.   She has spent more time in hospitals than any of my other friends combined.  Over two years she has endured three major medical procedures, one month bed rest, lost two parents, five cup sizes, one herniated disc and half of her sanity.  There was a  partridge in a pear tree somewhere, but I suspect he was eaten.  

My profound affection for Lydia might be why we were both shocked when I started screaming at her.  To be fair, I did warn her I was going to yell and she didn't leave me a lot of options.  I received her email two seconds before I called her mobile.  “An email,” I shrieked.  “You are sending me information like that in an email?  And why didn’t you tell me sooner?  I was at your house at least three times in the past two weeks.  What are you doing, taking risks like that?  You know better. I am really angry at you!”  The conversation went something like that, you could ask her yourself, but then I would have to tell her about this blog post.

Let’s wait a bit.

My friend scared me.  Her email stated, two weeks prior, she noticed she was losing her vision.  Dark spots presenting in her visual field weren’t leaving.  She began chatting with the Lord about the problem.  Immediately she thought, “I bet this is the sign of a detached retina.  I bet that is exactly what I have, just like my Aunt.  She had this at my age.”  Talk about a rapid response.  Within hours, after prayer and some searching online, my friend had a pretty good idea what was happening to her eyes.  But it was what she she did next that alarmed me.

She did nothing.

I need to stress that my girlfriend’s response was so out of character it was astonishing.  She is one of the most godly, caring, conscientious people I know.  She had been through a season of consulting doctors almost daily for about 3 months; there was no good reason why she neglected to tell someone what was happening.   No reason, except the glaring fact that her life had been so stressful for so long that she didn’t want to cope with one more thing.  She was at the end of her rope.  As a result, she stepped square into denial.  

Denial is defined as a. A refusal to accept or believe something, or b. Psychology An unconscious defense mechanism characterized by refusal to acknowledge painful realities, thoughts, or feelings (Webster's Dictionary).  Lydia isn’t the first person to use denial as a coping mechanism.  In fact, I have a fabulous story of my own involving denial and behaviors so daft they resulted in surgery and permanent muscle damage.  Remind me to tell you about it one day... but not now… we have more important people to discuss at the moment...

After two weeks, my friend finally went to the doctor.  Her unofficial diagnosis was confirmed.  The retina was detached and needed immediate attention.  You need not be a doctor to understand the word ‘detached,’ when used as an adjective, is a bad thing.  Try placing 'detached' in front of any body part and listen to how it sounds.  The picture it paints is never pleasant.  The treatment for a detached retina is not as enjoyable as it sounds either.  My darling friend had to undergo needles being inserted into her eyeball, then endure laser sessions that left her weeping.  It was awful.  When she reached the end of her ordeal, the blessing was two-fold: no permanent damage and a legitimate reason to dress like a pirate.

Wounding hundreds, damning many, denial is a deadly foe.  Strangely, denial is at the bottom of many of the prayer requests I receive.  I will ask, “When did it start to become a problem?”  Or, “how long have you been fighting this?”  Many times the answer will involve an inexcusable delay between the conviction of sin and action needed to resolve the problem.  Time that could be used constructively is instead handed to the enemy of our soul.  With delight, he sows fear, muddying the waters with excuses and justifications.  A simple problem rapidly becomes a Gordian knot that requires the sword of the Spirit.  It becomes a monster in the mind of its owner, demanding allegiance or annihilation.
 
At Christmas, we celebrate the coming of Jesus.  He came to open [our] eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that [we] may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in [him].’ Acts 26:18   And so Dear Heart, while I am shining the spotlight on my girlfriend, I wanted to ask you a question.  Do you have anything marring your vision today?  Are there any dark spots clouding your eyes?  Has the Holy Spirit convicted you of a sin that needs your attention?  Are you trying to cover up a situation that needs to be uncovered? 

 

Why walk in denial at Christmas?  Why not celebrate the fact that light has pierced the darkness?  Pirates wear eye patches, carry parrots and display poor dental hygiene.  But primarily, they come to rob and steal.  Sound familiar?  When Jesus left glory and condescended to enter the human race, He came bearing gifts.  He came because He loves you.  He knows your frame and does not despise your weakness.  This Christmas come to Him and receive the gift of forgiveness and the presence of Emmanuel. 

 

Joy to the world, the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare Him room,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing.

Joy to the world, the Savior reigns!
Let men their songs employ;
While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy.

No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love.