Sometimes Life Goes Wrong...

Sometimes life goes wrong, really, really, wrong. Not the kind where you can call a friend and say, “can you pick up my children? I have a situation here….” But the kind of wrong that leaves you locked in your bathroom sitting on the floor sobbing. The kind of wrong where you find yourself telling your children, “No, Mummy is fine. Yes, go and watch the television for a while. If you are hungry there is sugar cereal, I just need to be left alone for 10 minutes.” Thirty minutes later, you are still on the floor, you can’t hear the children and you could care less. You still cannot get off the floor to leave the bathroom. What are you supposed to do then?

Sometimes it is the sudden nature of the crisis; its intensity is so overwhelming that we are left unable to respond. In an instant, everything we knew has been replaced by uncertainty and we are left unsure if we possess the resources to cope. Everything we know about God is put to the test. It is a horrid place to be. If you have spent some time on the bathroom floor lately, I have good news for you. God knows where you are and is interceding on your behalf.

When my life got tipped sideways, a year ago now, I had some strong responses. At the outset of my families’ crisis, I spent a lot of time vomiting. Call it a skill if you like, but I am blessed with an ability to vomit, anytime of day or night, regardless of where I am. Not the most helpful response to extreme stress, but I felt at least I was contributing. When that had passed, I spend a great deal of time being utterly astonished. How did we get here? What did I do wrong? Where was God? I had a list of unanswered questions and as I spent time with them I came to my third strong response, I got angry.

I wish, with all my heart, that I could write this piece because I have done a brilliant job in this last year of keeping anger, despair and dismay out of my walk with Jesus. Then I could write, with deep insight, a top ten list of things to do when the unexpected hits. You would think I was very clever and intensely spiritual to come up with such profound insights. Sadly, I do not have such a list. I am sorry about that, truly I am. I do however, have list of things I have done very badly.

In fact, my mistakes have been quite stellar. Not just the things I have done wrong, but the sheer amount of time I spent doing things the wrong way. I have displayed to myself and my husband a demented type of tenacity which at times has left us both speechless with admiration. My take away is that I have the tendency to be a bit intense. My husband won’t share his take away points with me on the matter. I view that as wisdom.

So then, my dear friend let me say first that I am so sorry you are hurting. I understand that the storm clouds have gathered and that you are frightened. Everyone who follows the Lord finds themselves in this place sooner or later; rest assured you are in good company. Through the ages, God has proven Himself a faithful shepherd. He alone is able to walk you through this storm and will bring you to the other side. Could I share with you a few things that might be helpful? They will not take away your pain but they might help you to remember that Your God is for you, and that can make all the difference in the world.

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12-13

Decide at the beginning of the crisis, that God is on your side and intends to walk you through this difficult season. I wasted a great deal of time here. When hardship came, I was so surprised by it that I lost all momentum. I am afraid to say that I indulged myself in this area. Instead of turning to scripture, I got angry and slipped into a victim mentality. The change was subtle. I felt that God was doing “this” to me as opposed to believing that He had allowed it to come my way in order to teach me to withstand trials. I just couldn’t seem to get over it. I’m not sure exactly what I did with all the bible stories I learned as a child. The victory stories of Joseph, David, the prophets, the disciples, all seemed to suddenly disappear. It took me 8 months of struggle before I actually believed that God might have a plan and would walk me out of my desert.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

Know the season you are in and remind yourself of it daily. Breaking and blessing, the desert times, the wilderness, the bible is full of stories of followers who walked through trials. Everything comes in seasons, nothing lasts forever. Where you are now, is not where you will be in 3 months, even if the circumstances don’t change your heart attitude will have shifted. One of the biggest lies from the enemy is that we will never get out of the trial in which we now find ourselves. This simply is not true. God‘s unfailing love is eternal, not your current trial. This season will pass. When I was at my lowest, I asked three friends to remind me of that fact constantly. For the record, they rarely remembered to do that, so I would send then emails telling them when I needed encouragement.

Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Colossians 3:16

Memorize old hymns and sing or recite them every morning. I do not want to get into a discussion about worship in the church today. Okay, that is a lie. I do want to do that, but not right now, let’s wait until you are feeling better. There is a reason why classic hymns have lasted for generations. The theology is sound and they remind us that our battle is spiritual and that Jesus alone holds the victory. Songs that focus on your love of God will not help when disappointment hits. I cannot express how isolated I felt during corporate worship. I was in the midst of a congregation that spent a lot of time telling God how much they loved Him. I was a misfit with a serious problem, my faith was shattered and I didn’t feel like I loved God at all. In fact, had Jesus shown up at the service, I would have fallen at His feet for the sole purpose of biting his toe. I was angry, hurt and confused. That I couldn’t enter into corporate worship made matters much worse. If you are feeling this way, take to singing “A Mighty Fortress is Our God” in the shower every morning. See if that doesn’t help.

‘Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10

One of the tricks of managing a crisis is the ability to deal with the overwhelming sense of panic. Accepting the crisis is necessary; trying to avoid pain, discomfort and suffering takes up a great deal of time and energy. If you are in a crisis, chances are strong you are going to walk through some very unpleasant experiences you would rather avoid. Knowing that Jesus will give you the strength to deal with each problem in the moment, will become a reality as you start to name the problem you are facing and thanking Him as He brings about ordinary answers to each problem. How many times do we wake up with a list of little problems that need to be resolved? Often, God sends answers and help in such ordinary ways; we fail to see His guiding hand. Training ourselves to recognize His presence will pay dividends when we are waiting for deliverance from our circumstances. Ask God for a grateful heart and practice the discipline of thankfulness.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Prov. 3:5-6

Remember I said that I spent a lot of time doing things wrong? This was an area where I wasn’t content to be alone; it seemed I had a crazy need to drag my husband along. My husband, in order to stop his wife from wasting precious time, coined a phrase “We are in endurance part, not the understanding part.” Not the most eloquent phrase but it certainly has been helpful. Patience is not a virtue that I possess, not even a little bit. The devotional, “Streams in the Desert, by Mrs. Cowman” talks about vexing oneself to despair. I have done a great deal of that. When faced with the ancient mysteries of providence and suffering, the best I could come up with was to get bent out of shape over the fact that I didn’t understand what God was doing. Imagine getting upset because the Creator of quantum physics decided not to consult before working out part of my eternal good. A word to the wise: save serious time, don’t do this, work on scripture memorization instead.

Jesus said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." II Cor. 12:9

And so my dear friend, it is safe to get off the bathroom floor. Jesus is not surprised, frightened or unable to cope with your crisis. If you are feeling broken, disappointed or uncertain you can rest assured that the Lord is fully able and mighty to save. You are in the middle of a process and your great high priest will continue to pray for you and watch over you. The situation will not be solved near as quickly as you would like, that is almost certain. But if you continue to stay in the struggle and call upon His name, He will bring about His higher purposes in ways that will astonish you. I am praying for your heart today.