Safe Harbor

I do not write these things to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children. For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel.  1 Cor 4:14-15

It makes very little sense to get upset about things that are difficult to change.  Grumbling about lobbyists in government, environmental policies or the inconsistency in women’s clothing sizes, will not cause transformation.  To effect change, one must commit their resources and work with dedication toward a goal.  This is how people throughout history have made great things happen.  In theory it makes perfect sense but in practice, it can be really messy.

I found myself caught between the best of intentions and a real mess this week and frankly, I needed a hero.  Sadly, it wasn't a local situation or I would have asked my husband to don his proverbial cape and fix things.  Something he is very good at, after 18 years of marriage to his eternally well-meaning spouse. 

For the sake of clarity, this week I needed a hero, not a heroine.  What’s worse, I’ve needed a hero before.  One of the hats in my church wardrobe reads “Supporter of Single Mums.”  I have been blessed over the past 20 years, to walk alongside some amazing women who have embarked on an unsolicited journey.  The stories are sad, painful, glorious and hopeful.  While each voyage is unique, I have noticed that at some point in the expedition, Mum will take her boat onto the high seas and happen upon a storm. She will need to find shelter and inevitably she will end up in a harbor called Fatherlessness.

Can I confess something to you Friend?  I hate that place.  Her boat enters the harbor and we hit our knees.  In fact, the only way to get through that vexing town is with your face on the floor.  I cannot tell you how many tears I have wept there.  I was there again this week, hating every second, trying to find hope.

Don't think the Harbor of Fatherlessness means there are no good men present.  I know there are.  I've seen them.  In fact, the town actually has a large number of fathers, men who attend to their families and churches.  They read the bible and faithfully steward their possessions.  I think that is where the problem lies.  They are faithfully stewarding their possessions, not God’s. 

God owns a lot of stuff.  More importantly, God’s owns a lot of people and frankly, many of them are a mess.  If you haven’t noticed, where there are messes there are children.  I suspect that’s where an understanding of God breaks down.  The definition of fatherless is “not having a known or legally responsible father.”  As Christians, we don’t pray to “Father God” for no reason.  We are called to pray to our Father, because he alone is worthy of our praise and all together faithful to His covenant. 

So then, if God owns a host of fatherless children, wouldn't it be great if some of the men who knew how to be fathers shared a little bit of God’s heart with the motley brood?  I’m not saying it’s easy, because it isn't.  The only thing that is harder is trying to be father to a child when you are a mother.  That’s a really tricky one.  I've spent time here friend, I know what I’m talking about.

The other problem seems to be in the realm of unrealistic expectations.  Maybe the Father’s don’t know how much impact a little interaction with a Fatherless child can have.  As someone who walks alongside broken families, let me share some of the requests I have overheard before the throne of God.

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         -Lord, would a man at Sunday school please ask my son how he is doing?

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         -Father, if you could motivate her uncle to include her in the next family outing I would be so grateful.

-                       -

         -Jesus, if a man could just tell my son his new haircut looks sharp I know it would help.

Friend, these are not huge investments of time or resources.  They are small, mindful acts that might be a bit inconvenient.  I have heard these prayers from broken hearts.  God hears them.  He cares.  He calls us to care for his treasured possessions.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

Don’t know how to get started Man of God?  Here are a few suggestions.

        

       -Ask your wife or a friend how much money she would spend on a baby shower gift.  Purchase that amount of money in bubble gum.  Ask a Sunday school teacher if there are any fatherless kids in your church.  Meet their parent, go out of your way.  Tell them God put their child on their heart, ask permission to give them gum.  Meet the child.  Say “Little dude!  God thinks you are awesome!  Have some gum.”  Smile.  Tell them they are amazing.  Then go drink coffee.

        

       -Look a fatherless child in the eyes and say, “Little man of God, you are amazing!  How was your week?”  Repeat every week until they can look straight back at you.

        

       -Ask a hoodlum looking fatherless teen how they are doing.  Ask if they have any prayer requests.  Then ask them if they can pray for you that week.  Share a small problem with them.  Tell them you know they hear God, ask them to let you know if they get any scripture for you.  See what happens.  If they come back with scripture, listen, write down what they say.  Buy them a mocha-frappe-latte at the caffeine station.   

Man of God it is not difficult.  There are so few who invest their lives in little people.  I pray that God would inspire you this week.  That you would start to invest in His kingdom, and that you, like our forefather Abraham, would rise up and "father" many.

I’m praying for you this week.

xoxKaren

My Dad looked after "little people" in my home town as a pediatrician for 33 years.  He used to paint. This is one of his miniatures.

Best Foot Forward

Hello Friend,

I wanted to write because events had me thinking of you this week.  Our conversation Tuesday wasn't long enough, you asked a question and I didn't answer it very well.  I tried but at that point my youngest had added twice the needed soap to the laundry.  It was about to get ugly. I’m sorry our time got cut short.

There isn't an easy answer, but I had a few thoughts that might help.  Do you remember asking why life has to be so hard? I don’t think you were feeling sorry for yourself, just to be clear.  It’s a brilliant question.  But neither do I think you were asking me to start at the Garden of Eden and recite “how sin entered the world.” 

If I was hearing your heart correctly, you were asking me how to keep going when the demands of life overshadow your ability to cope.  How to find the strength to keep going when you don’t have it?  Maybe more than that, what on earth does God expect when he keeps making life so hard? 

I confess I had to smile.  Not that I think accusing The Lord is a wise strategy, but I can relate to the feeling.  The sovereignty of God is a weighty subject and we will spend eternity measuring its magnificence.  But when we feel overwhelmed, everything carnal views God’s sovereignty as an opponent to our desire for a carefree existence.  We tire of trials and want God to put life on pause while we catch a moment of stress free living.

Truth is dear friend, it doesn't work that way.  No living creature becomes stronger physically or spiritually by avoiding trials.  Somewhere along the way, you realized that you were God’s enemy and asked Him to forgive you based Jesus' sacrifice.  You asked Him to become sovereign in your life.  You were saved, cleaned up and delivered.  You sang many songs, declaring God’s sovereignty and rejoicing in His ability to save.  At some point during that worship time, you asked God to remake your heart and bring your desires in line with his.  You asked for him to become the Lord of your life.  The ironic part is we beg the Lord to remake us, then pitch a fit when He begins to answer our prayers. 

Think back to some of the worship you have experienced.  Any of these lyrics sound familiar?

I want You more than gold or silver

    Only You can satisfy.

You alone are the real joy Giver

    And the apple of my eye.

You're my friend and You are my brother

    Even though You are a king.

I love You more than any other,

    So much more than anything.[1]

Or perhaps this one?

Purify my heart

Let me be as gold and precious silver

Purify my heart

Let me be as gold, pure gold

Refiner's fire

My heart's one desire

Is to be holy

Set apart for You, Lord

I choose to be holy

Set apart for You, my Master

Ready to do Your will[2]

Now, as much as we might like to blame people like Marty, Brian and the entire Hillsong organization for their gifting, it won’t benefit us much in the long run. Only God’s word can help you when you find yourself at odd’s with God’s plan for your life.   

Can I encourage you friend, to go back to the basics?  Jesus told us what we would face.

These things I have spoken to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world. (John 16:33).

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 1:6-7

Sometimes dearest, the answer to, “why is it so hard?” is simply; because that’s how faith works.  You just have to pick yourself up and try to make it through one more hour by putting your best foot forward regardless of how insufficient it seems.  We can do that because we have a God who loves to shore up lack, whose power is perfected in our weakness (2Cor 12:8-10). 

One of my girlfriends did something splendidly stellar this week.  For years she has disciplined herself to wake up before the roosters and head to the gym for a workout.  On this particular morning, she found herself in dark, groping for her shoes.  She found them, grabbed her bag and headed for the car.  As she drove to the gym, she tied up her shoe laces whenever she came to a stop light.  Somewhere during the drive, she realized her shoe laces didn't feel right.  It was too late to turn back. Realizing her mistake, she forged ahead and completed her work out in style.  She was generous enough to share the photo with me when she came home. 

This picture made me think of our conversation.  Life can get very, very difficult.  But when it is, we must remember we aren't alone.  God promises to share the days with us.  We can put on one of our shoes and one of His, knowing that He will bring us through, regardless of how ill equipped we feel. 

Put your best foot forward this week dear heart. 

I’m praying for you,

xoxKaren

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[1] As the Deer Pants for the Water, Marty Nystrom. © Copyright 1984 Maranatha Music (ASCAP)(admin. by Music Services).

http://martynystrom.com/

[2] Refiners Fire, Brian Doerksen.  Words © 1990 Mercy/Vineyard Publishing (Admin. Music Services)

http://briandoerksen.com/

Thankfulness in Extremis

I managed to pull off a quick conversation with a dear friend this morning before the day jumped up and attacked me with its many demands.  Distance doesn’t stop our teatime visits, I pour a cup, put on my headset and visit while folding laundry.  I have walked with this friend since 1993, when our lives ran smack into each other and stuck.  We have seen each other through some very dark and lonely valleys.  Though she is not always the first person I call for prayer, she is always the one I phone when I need to cry or vent in an emotional (if not ungodly) manner. 

This morning I was stuck by the way God has walked her out of a situation that used to cause daily distress and suffering.  So many times, we beg to be delivered instantly, wanting immediate relief from our pain.  Often, God walks us out by the scenic route, lingering long over rolling hills of disappointment.  Though we cannot recognize the roads beauty, He travels with us, never rushing as He shares our yoke of sorrow.  It seems he intentionally sits a while, as we tug at His sleeve, asking to walk in a more pleasant meadow where grief and pain are absent.

…… 

It’s kind of frustrating really. 

……

After I hung up, I was overwhelmed with thankfulness.  Thankful that she had the resources to buy her family groceries, thankful her family members were healthy, thankful God had seen her through.  It was a nice, resting in thanksgiving before God, because I knew her battle had been difficult.  It made me wonder why it is a struggle to be thankful when things are so hard.

In the last few years, I have intentionally battled to be thankful when all I wanted to do was curse.  Sometimes I have succeeded and other times I have failed miserably.  I wanted to remind you, that struggling to be thankful is always worth it. It isn't easy and it doesn't feel as comforting as self-pity, but thanksgiving is a skill worth practicing.

One of the things that vexes me no end, is the entirely unrealistic world Christian women imagine they should inhabit.  They waste precious resources feeling bad their lives aren't perfect.  If we live within the walls of cultural Christianity, we forget that victory is messy.  My Christian life does not resemble a tidy tin of breath mints with a stylized ichthys on the front. Take the tin of breath mints, drop them on the floor, crush a third with a hammer, have a child eat the rest and throw up on a pile of fresh laundry then add a teenager complaining that she can’t find a clean shirt.  Now you are entering my world sister-friend. 

Scripture tells us to,

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (1Thes 5:18).

Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ (Eph5:20). 

AMEN!  Yes, we should and we must. But can we take a moment to give an example of what that looks like, in case you have the tendency to be a bit of an unrealistic ninny-pants?

Two years ago, a well-meaning individual took advantage of a very public opportunity to offer my family charity.  The result was humiliation that took months to get through.  On that particular Sunday, victory was found at 8:00 pm in the church parking lot.  I was in the back of my car on my knees, my shirt was soaked with tears as I thanked God for that person and their kind act.  It took me about an hour and a half and the help of a friend to actually mean it.  I had a headache, looked like I’d been hit by a truck, but when I went to bed that night, God granted me peace.  It was a victory.

One more.

When I was pregnant, I had hyperemesis gravidarium which is a fancy way of saying I was sick as a toad: so sick I couldn't stand up.  I was desperately ill one morning and needed to go to the doctor, but I was stuck in the bathroom vomiting from my toenails.  I decided I needed to be thankful but couldn't pull a coherent thought together.  I actually remember thanking God that I had consumed 7Up for breakfast because it was much easier to vomit than Coke.  As I laid on the floor, I remember thanking God that the floor was mopped and that it smelled like pine sol instead of vomit.

I’m not sure that the last example was a moment of victory, but I was definitely practicing being thankful.  Can I urge you friend, practice being thankful.  Ask Jesus to help you find something, anything to be thank Him for during the dark nights.  You will find, if you can grab a tiny spark of goodness to hold on to, that He will grow it and warm you by its fire.  He is all the light you need.

I’m thinking about you this week,

xoxKaren

Little people know how to be thankful without thinking, always creating a happy moment out of what they have at hand.  

Mostly Feathered Friends

Hello Faraway Friend!

Weather in the Pacific Northwest is glorious and we are moving confidently toward spring.  Snow drops are finishing and the daffodils are peeking up from under the dormant shrubbery.  That might not sit well with those of you who are sick of winter and waiting for the ground to thaw, but let me reassure you, spring will come.  A pair of juncos have returned to nest over my daughter’s bedroom window, proving to be a better alarm clock than any I have purchased.  God knew what he was doing when He made birds.   

Which leads me to my next point, the truth is, we need to discuss Carl’s behavior … again.  Though, I have nightmares about becoming a crazy bird blogger, more than one of you wanted to know how many eggs she laid and how she was doing after my last entry.  Since you asked, I thought I would answer the question honestly and leave it to the Lord to try and pull some mildly uplifting, spiritual encouragement out of a post that has gone to the birds.   

When we last left our fair budgie hero, she was busy laying eggs.  A good number of them.  After Carl laid her seventh egg, I decided to contact the avian vet - again.  (Nicest vet ever!)  The good Dr. suggested that it was time to take Carl’s nesting box and eggs out of her cage, in order to discourage egg laying behavior.  I was conflicted.  As much as I wanted Carl to stop laying eggs, I didn't want to make her depressed.  I had read enough about depressed budgies on budgie forums. Removing her eggs, I was certain, would upset her.  However, endless egg laying can be hard on even the most enthusiastic of God’s creatures.  I took the good doctor’s advice and removed the nesting box that evening.  

The next morning, I interceded for Carl during my prayer time.  I prayed she wouldn't be sad but happy to take a break from her reproductive efforts.  When I lifted the blanket off her cage an hour later, it was not the face of a woeful, forlorn bird that met my gaze.  I had miscalculated.  Sitting there was a steely eyed, vexed feathered fury.  Well, mostly feathered.  She was so cross at me she had pulled out a good number of her feathers in protest. 

Sitting in the cage, was an angry, partially naked, small shivering bird. Because that is what happens if you are a justifiably angry bird who pulls out your feathers, you get cold.  I stared at angry bird in shock.  “What have you done?!” I asked, somewhat needlessly.  “What do you think?!” she replied and bit my finger.  We started at one another; me in amazement and she in defiance.  After some more staring and wondering, we called a truce and I headed out to find some means of heating the naked, angry bird.

It was a week I can tell you.  Fairly quickly, Carl forgot why she was angry and moved on to other things.  This is the upside of having a brain the size of a popcorn kernel.  We purchased a heating pad to place in the cage to ensure our naked budgie didn't freeze to death.  It was kind of sad.

But the entire situation did get me thinking about my own defiance.  Exactly how do I behave when I suffer a setback or a disappointment?  Sometimes, I give the Lord the silent treatment.  I refuse to come to Him in prayer, refuse to speak to Him because “prayer doesn't work.”  There are so many ways to broadcast our disappointment with His sovereignty.  We skip church, refuse to meet with friends, watch too much t.v. all ways of pulling out our feathers in protest when life goes wrong.

And so friend, can I caution you this week?  Are feathers flying?  Are you angry at your heavenly Father for the way things have gone lately?  Feeling persecuted by your Lord? Don’t leave it a moment longer.  Even if you have done something foolish as a result, come and ask Him for help to shore up your disappointment and lack.  Ask for forgiveness, come before Him and be made whole.      

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.  If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.  But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.  If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1:5-10

I’m praying for you this week,

xoxKaren

Don't Forget to Remember

I was enjoying a cup of tea with a girlfriend this week, when we started to reminisce about our childhoods.  Tales of harrowing adventures were shared, secrets discovered and we laughed ourselves silly for a good long while.  She asked about the church I attended and we shared Sunday school stories.  The afternoon left me thinking about my childhood church for days. 

I was blessed to attend a delightful small church three minutes’ walk from my parent’s front door.  I remember walking to the church with my sisters, munching a piece of cold toast, listening to the church bell ring.  Sometimes my mother went on ahead, sometimes she came a few moments after, but she was always there, with any number of my four sisters and one brother in tow. 

Despite its small size, there were always a handful of earnest saints who taught Sunday school.  To this day, I remember their names and devotion.  Though I didn’t prefer to be away from my mother for an entire hour, there were seasons where I would attend classes.  In the cold church hall, with the wooden floors, I would sit in freezing metal chairs and learn the bible stories and colour pictures.  It was a place of familiarity and safety despite its chilly temperature.

I remember one day, discussing the story of Noah.  Being 8 years old, I was a Sunday school veteran.  I felt I knew the story by heart and was barely listening when I heard my teacher read the story from Genesis.  Suddenly, something she said caught my attention. 

“Excuse me, Mrs. Bailey?  Could you please read that part again?  I don’t think I heard it.”

“Perhaps Karen, you could put down the Popsicle sticks, and it might help.  Yes, I will read it again.   

 “But God remembered Noah and all the beasts and all the livestock that were with him in the ark Gen8:1.”

Mrs. Bailey went on to recount the way in which the waters receded, but at that point, I had stopped listening.  I was worried.  Somewhere in my little mind, I had just heard that God had misplaced Noah.   More than misplaced him, he had clear forgotten where he put the man!  God, who made the heavens and the earth, had misplaced a man in a boat and a whole swack of hungry animals.  It was disturbing. What if God had forgotten to remember Noah?  What if they continued on the rough seas, without any hope of deliverance?  Clearly, God bailed himself out and found Noah and his family but it left me anxious.  

I don’t know why I didn't talk to someone about my concerns.  Instead, I held on to them for many years.  Wishing I could go back in time won’t help, so I thought I might ask a question Friend.  Are you harboring an adult version of my childhood fear?

When tough times roll in, we increase our prayer time, asking God for help to get through the day.  As illness turns to disease, we pray more earnestly calling out to the Lord for mercy.  In certain cases, days turn to months, months to years and yet, deliverance does not come.  This is where fear can be found.  There are times when our prayers are earnest, our hearts sincere and yet we experience no consolation.  Have you ever felt like God has forgotten you?  That somehow, you were misplaced, put somewhere where your prayers cannot ascend.  Do you wish God would remember your situation?

I don’t need to tell you that God doesn't misplace anyone.  He doesn't forget anyone either.

"Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. "Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me. Isaiah 49:15-16

When the bible speaks of God remembering his servants, it is connected to an action that he is going to perform.  It is a way of saying that God is going to undertake on his servants behalf.  Take the example of Rachel who longed and prayed for a child. 

Then God remembered Rachel, and God gave heed to her and opened her womb.  Gen 30:22

Never think for an instant that you are forgotten child of God.  If you are heartsick and wondering if God remembers your name, take the opportunity to remember who He is.  Remind the Lord that you need him, that you are depending on His mercy and grace to see you through.  Pull out some of the marvelous scriptures and pray them through.

"While I was fainting away, I remembered the LORD, and my prayer came to You, Into Your holy temple. Jonah 2:7

"Remember the former things long past, For I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is no one like Me, Isaiah 46:9

Waiting is difficult and suffering is hard.  However God does not view time the same way we do.  However, he is able to redeem all things and delights in providing a shelter for His children.  You are not forgotten dear heart.  He will remember, He will act, He will be faithful.

I am praying for you this week,

xoxKaren. 

Image from their website: St Peter's Church
http://www.stpeterscomox.ca/links.html