Naked Truth

I didn't want to hurt the feelings of the teary blonde in front of me, I just wanted to reach across the table and smack her hard on the forehead.  But if you take scripture seriously, you don’t do things like that.  Especially when you giving counsel to overwrought, over tired and overworked mothers.

 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good,  and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,  to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Titus 2:3-5

See?  Nothing in there about smacking people on the head, no matter what translation you study.  I wasn't angry, although I should have ended the conversation 20 minutes sooner.  Everything sensible had been said and Sweet Ms. Sniffles and I were lost in the backwaters of a bottomless emotional bog.  I was frustrated, deeply frustrated and wanted to hit someone so that I could feel better. 

[Note: If the word “submissive” in the previous scripture has you upset, you need to take your turn.  I’m grumpy and we can talk about your issues later.]

I am writing dear friend, because this was not the first time I wanted to smack a beautiful 20 something.  In fact, it was the third time in a month.  I have concluded therefore that: 1. I need to book some time with my therapist regarding anger issues and 2. We need to have a talk.  So let’s get to the root of the issue…

Are you spending time watching naked people make love on TV?

What about vulgarity?  Are you watching dysfunctional narcissist souls make a spectacle of themselves?

Back to the naked thing, are you watching fully clothed people?  People who could walk outside in any given scene and not get frostbitten in embarrassing places?

I don’t mean to get personal, total lie – yes I do, but we need to go over some basics here.

Psalm 101:3 ESV  I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me.

I don’t mean to surprise you by mentioning the fact that life is hard, relationships are complicated and marriages are impossible.  If this is true, then why are so many of us making things more difficult by feeding our hearts and minds a diet of Netflix based lust and nudity?  It just doesn't make sense. 

I recently spent time on the phone with a woman who was unhappy in her marriage.  After spending a month trying to diagnose the source of the discontent I learned what she did with the last 3 hours of her evening.  She would watch a show or two to “de-stress” and relax.  That was a polite way of saying she would watch a show that was so sexually charged she would spend the better part of the next day wondering why her she and her husband never made love on the kitchen table. 

Two words: unrealistic and unhygienic. 

It would be a tragic cliché to pretend that this was the only problem in that marriage.  But increasingly, women are turning to entertainment to relax only to find themselves immersed in imaginary worlds that take up a great deal of mind space.  Characters in TV shows wear lust like a garment.  Exactly when do we tire of the “I-am-so-bad-for-you-but-sex-will-be-so-good-but-it-won’t-be-worth-the-therapy-you-will-need-after-we-are-through” game?  The answer is never. 

That is why we are told to stay away from things that mess with our minds and emotions. 

Proverbs 4:23 Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.

Darling Friend, could we try something new in the month of October?  Could we, the minute the Holy Spirit warns us about a program we are watching, turn it off?  Turn it off and then do two things: tell someone you love one thing that makes them precious to you, then engage in an activity that would bless Jesus.

Romans 12:2 ESV  2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

I am convinced that if we could learn this skill, our lives, families and marriage beds would be blessed.  

Praying for you this week,

Karen

FYI: I always share my writing with those who I write about BEFORE I post.  In case you are worrying I am a horrific counselor.  The exception to the rule applies to my nearest and dearest. Those brave souls and I have come to an understanding, they tell me what if off limits and I mostly listen to them.

Muddy Buddy

"Mummy, I left my mask in the car," my youngest yelled after looking in her bag.  "No don't worry, I have my goggles!"  She pulled the goggles over her head and followed her sister to the waters' edge.  I groaned.  As a parent, I can tell you there is a significant difference between a pair of goggles and a mask.  When a child wears a mask, they cannot get water up their sweet nose. Moreover, a child who yells every time water gets up their nose will make their parent's life miserable. A screaming child has an inverse effect on maternal support, patience and temperament. The 15 minute jaunt back to the car was a small price to pay for congenial nasal relations.

I threw a glance at my brood and swam to the rocks.  My friend assured me she would supervise the girls while I made the trip back to the car.  When I last saw them, they were splashing in the water wearing their modest christian swimsuits. I smiled.  A short skip along the trail brought me to my Sienna to grab the forgotten mask.  The parking lot was empty as I strode back into the forest.  Except a bird call or two, it was silent as I walked the return path.  After five minutes, the thunder of the river eased into the sound-scape.

I clamored down the rocks and took a deep breath before I jumped in the river.  The temperature of the glacier runoff is a shock no matter how prepared you are.  I dove and at once, hot and sweaty gave way to cold as I swam to my girls.  As I approached, my friend yelled, "Oh good, you're back! We've been waiting for you!"  She had a wicked glint in her eye.  I looked at my children who were grinning back at me.  They looked less christian than when I last saw them.

We were at a local swimming hole known for its scenery, wildlife and rock formations.  Rock formations that contain large deposits of clay. In fact, if bored and if all responsible adults had left the area, you might smear clay over your entire body.  With enough time and determination, you could transform yourself into a mud sculpture, fit for the pages of National Geographic.  My earthenware eldest shouted, "Mummy!  We are having a clay-cial!"  My friend, smiled and replied, "You would pay  hundreds for this service at a spa. But I'm teaching them for free!"   I stood astonished as my little grabbed her mask.  My eldest rubbed clay on her elbow.  "I missed a spot," she muttered.  I shook my head wondering why she never used soap with the same intensity.

Despite its strange beginning, it was a glorious day, spent laughing and swimming with friends. The clay dried, was washed off and then reapplied.  On the way home, the girls giggled about their "clay-cial."  Even now, the picture of three girls, covered head to toe in mud, has stayed with me. Truth be told friend, I feel like God has allowed a lot of mud to strike my family in the last few years.  Not the expensive mud either!  Consequently, I have struggled not to accuse God as his providence has worked in the life of my family.

Have you ever wondered if God knew what he was doing?  Ever done your best, worked hard, only to have someone cover your efforts in mud?  Is your heart aching over one so covered in filth you no longer recognize them?  Sometimes unpleasant events break into our safe worlds.  Mud happens and it can be heartbreaking.

There is hope for those who find themselves soiled and worn.  Our God does not shy away from messy situations. Psalm 34 reminds us that, "many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all."  God is not shocked when the dirt starts flying.  God has done a lot with the stuff over the ages.  Genesis 2 sees God making man out of the dust of the ground. In the 8th chapter of Mark, we find Jesus using dirt and spit to restore the sight of a blind man.  If you or a loved one is sporting mud, understand it can serve the master's purpose.  The prodigal son in Luke 15, found himself deep in filth.  Yet it was this very condition that brought him to his senses. You have no reason then, to fear the dirt you see.  As a follower of Jesus, you know the truth that washes us clean.  That is reason to rejoice.  Take heart, keep standing and call out to your King.  

I John 1:19

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

God is sovereign Dear Heart, over the storm, over the flood and over the mud. 

I am praying for you this week.
xoxK

Breaking Bread

"What ARE you doing?"  My husband exclaimed as we drove away.  He was loud but he wasn't angry.  "Did you seriously just throw a bagel at her?!!"  He started to laugh, "how the heck is that supposed to help?'  He was going to steer into traffic and I was trying not to feel defensive.

He had a point.  I you were driving by, it  looked odd.  Most people don't throw bagels at each other.  But if if you had been there 5 minutes earlier, it would have made sense.

"Watch out!!  What is she doing in the middle of the road?"  I shouted at my husband.  The woman was waving her arms as she teetered into oncoming traffic.  The road wasn't too busy, but an afternoon walk down the yellow line of 4 traffic lanes seemed unwise, even by Seattle's standards.  "Oh no, it's a puppy!"  My man pointed to a small dog-ish looking creature bolting through the cars.  "Hold on, let's see if we can stop."  My husband slowed and I opened the door.  "Here boy!" I called, trying to catch the wayward critters attention.  "Please come here, you wicked beast," I coaxed sweetly.  I caught the little dog's attention and he moved toward me. He took a step or two, then bent his front legs.  His posture was an invitation to play chase.
"Darling...." my  husband growled, which translated meant,I can't stay here for much longer do not make this situation more complicated by being helpful.
"Be quiet!" I snapped, "you aren't helping." I growled back at him and the dog.  The little dog had mischief in his eyes, not comprehending the potential cost of his disobedience.  The puppy came within reach but then bolted.

I muttered something rude.  The pooch moved up to the sidewalk and the woman chasing him approached our car.  "Honey, I NEED to get moving," my husband apologized.  Traffic was beginning to pile up.  "Hold on," I shouted.  The woman was panting as she approached, unable to speak, she looked like she was going to have a stroke.  "Wait!!" I screamed as a flash of brilliance washed over me, "I have a bagel!"  The woman looked at me blankly, unclear if she had heard me correctly.  I slowed down my speech in case her mild case of asphyxia had affected her ability to understand incredibly kind strangers, "try.. to.. lure.. him.. with.. this..."  My spiritual head told me to shut the door and put his foot to the gas pedal as our car pulled away.  The woman didn't have the breath to respond and staggered past our car.  I felt utterly useless, "Here!"  I screamed as we drove away, "take this..." And I pitched a seed covered bagel at her head.

It probably looked kind of weird.

My husband, whose sense of humor has increased immeasurably in the past two months, thought the entire affair was hysterically funny.  I should point out he had seen the lady recapture her errant canine in the rear view mirror just after she dodged the bagel.
"What on earth were you doing?" he queried, looking astonished.
"I was HELPING!" I snapped back at him.  I was cross now.  "You DO think she understood what I was doing don't you?"
"What? Whipping a bagel at her head while her dog was trying to kill itself?  Nope.  I'm not sure she would have understood that."  He was laughing hard now, enjoying the opportunity to tease his brilliantly creative spouse.
I groaned, " I thought I had been so clear."  I paused a moment to reflect but didn't enjoy the view. Denial was my next best method of coping; denial followed by attack.  "No!  I don't believe you, I told her to try to catch him with the bagel before I threw it!!  My husband said nothing and smiled.
"You stink!"  I shouted and immediately started praying aloud,  "Father God, my husband is an idiot and I need you to let that woman know I was trying to be helpful and that I was NOT trying to make matters worse!"  More laughter.  It took a while for things in the car to calm down but when they had, I still wasn't sure what more I could have done.

Do you ever feel that way, Dear heart?  Have you ever tried to be of help, only to come away feeling useless or inadequate?  Under pressure, your best efforts didn't have the desired effect and you left feeling misunderstood and foolish.  You intended to help, but were clumsy and awkward, wounding a heart you knew was precious to the Lord.

Or perhaps, you are like the exhausted woman staggering down the street.  Your efforts to rectify a situation were not enough and you needed the help of others to see you through. Vulnerability comes with the potential for an attack.  Maybe someone who was supposed to help you only made matters worse.  You needed a dogcatcher and you got a bagel thrown at your head.

I have found that sometimes, belonging to a church can be like that.  Just recently, I had to pull bagel pieces out of my hair when a church member inadvertently offered me help that left me feeling ashamed and foolish. It was not the kind of help I needed.

When trials and suffering visit a soul, confusion and pain are the first through the door.  Words are awkward things, with sharp edges and pointed meanings.  It does not take much for misunderstanding to take place. In an effort to apply comfort, we can misjudge the hidden layers of meaning and bruise an aching heart.  It takes courage to offer help and even more to receive it.

If you have recently been assaulted by anothers' good intentions, might I offer you a suggestion?  Ask the Lord to bring to mind your own bagel pitching moment.  Time and time again, the Lord has visited me with grace in my trial.  When tears have dripped hot onto my pillow, I spent time asking Jesus to remind me of my less helpful moments.  At times I cringe to think of the words that came from my mouth.  Because of these moments, I have been able to afford others the grace I desperately need to survive suffering.

The temptation to cling to an offense is strong but when prayerfully placed before the Lord, a heart is able to do more than be offended.  It is then that our God is able to visit us with grace and peace to withstand the trial.
   
     Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16 KJV