Awesome Possum

I live with mice: hamsters actually, but what’s the difference?  Essentially, they are well fed vermin.  Opossums are sometimes viewed as vermin too, even though they are a lot bigger than hamsters.  I saw my first live opossum on Friday.  It was early, my hubby had left for work and I was in the kitchen making my tea when I caught sight of something in the back yard.  Wondering if it was my neighbor’s evil carpet duster dog**, I went outside to take a closer look.  Checking the fence to see if the critter had escaped, I realized the creature was walking strangely and scooted closer for a closer look. 

I backed up just as quickly when realized it was a large (if not ginormous) opossum out for a stroll.  Not having met an opossum, I was unclear of the protocol of first contact.   I figured waving was a good start.  Mr. Opossum ignored me.  It was not the cross species encounter I envisioned.  Staring at him as he sauntered across the moss I was struck with how weird looking he was.  I can understand why people dislike them; they aren’t the most handsome creature in the forest.

However, I was determined to love my new friend and chatted with him as he walked away through the ravine.  I texted my girlfriend to brag on a new relationship and she cautioned me that too much interaction with Mr. Opossum could mean the destruction of my house.  She is not as enamored with North American marsupials as I.  This was after I suggested feeding him sweet potatoes.  Though I wouldn’t actually feed the fellow, she has good cause to worry considering the whole mice issue.

When my youngest got up, she was thrilled to learn the woods behind the house held a new animal.  I showed her the video I took and we marveled over Mr. Opossums’ shape and size.  Taking to the internet, we had an impromptu biology lesson and discussed if Possums were as menacing as their reputation.  We decided that they get a lot of disapproval because they are ugly.

Life has a way of bringing you both beautiful and ugly experiences.  The beautiful ones are like Reddit aww videos, I love to watch them and bask in their loveliness.  The ugly seem to me unredeemable and intended to provoke outrage.  Like opossum, I approach them uncertainly, unsure how their ugliness could bring me benefit. 

Last week I had the opportunity to talk to a woman who is in the middle of trial by teenager.  A kind and devoted mother, she has to practice tough love in the face of rebellion and rage.  It is not easy.  I asked her, “How is your heart?  How are you managing to stay above the hurt of it all?”  Her answer was different, “Really Karen, it can be so painful but when it is, I just encourage myself in the Lord.”  She said the entire phrase like it was a pleasant verb, as if she were informing me she was going to eat chocolate cake.  It was striking.

If you are familiar with scripture you will recognize the phrase from the story of David.  I Samuel 30 tells the story of David’s men turning on him in bitter disappointment and proposing to stone their leader.  In response, David strengthens himself in the Lord.  As a verb the word clearly implies an action, that of becoming strong, but what does that physically look like? Getting on your knees and praying? Reciting scripture out loud?  Standing up to the negative voices in your head by speaking truth?  My guess is yes, all of the above. 

The vexing thing about growing stronger is that you have to lift heavy things to gain strength.  The problematic part about overcoming trials is living with problems long enough to get to the overcoming.  It isn’t our natural inclination to put ourselves in adverse circumstances in order to improve our character.   Though my friend didn’t say it directly, there was a level of positive fellowship she was experiencing in prayer through her trials. I felt a deep admiration for this woman and ashamed of my own weakness.  She looked at trials as a means to spend time with the Lord; she dwelt in the negative but was able to experience something positive in the pain of it all.  I have no doubt that she is the type of person that would view a hamster as a pet and not freeloading vermin.  She would probably feed a possum a sweet potato too… given the right circumstances.

There is much we can learn from these types of folk.

I do hope there is someone in your community my friend, from whom you can glean a bit of wisdom: someone who can inspire/embarrass you into withstanding trials with more grace.   Perhaps pick up a biography of someone who has overcome in order to see how, over time, blessing can come from hardship.

I’m praying this week, that we might be able to find peace in the face of pain.  That by standing in a place of hurt, we will be able to find moments of strength and learn that not all ugly things are vermin to be eradicated.

Have a good week,

xoxKaren

PS. sorry for the lame video, by the time I met Possum, ran away from Possum and got my phone this is what was left. 

***Yes, dogs are wonderful. Blah, blah, blah… this one has evil in its soul.  Don’t be offended.  If you met him you would agree.

Nearly Naked

Unadorned

There are benefits to belonging to a homeschool community: excellent baking, access to reliable babysitters and the ability to wear denim skirts without censure.  There are codes of conduct we try to maintain, thankfulness, politeness and modesty; fairly sensible churchy things upon which we agree make life in community operate smoothly.  I understand these rules and do a fair job of keeping them which was why I was surprised when I was asked via email last week, if I was going to allow my daughter to deck her graduation cap  in pictures of naked people during a school ceremony.  As someone who regularly dresses before leaving the house, I have to confess I was confused.   Being fallible however, I touched base with my daughter to ensure she too was committed to clothing and hadn’t taken up as an exhibitionist.  I’m not into limiting artistic expression ya da, ya da….. But I wanted to ensure I didn’t need to ground her before diving into what was bound to be a precious community growth experience.  The disadvantage of homeschooling community is that life flows fairly well until it doesn’t and then no amount excellent baking and stretch denim can make up for the discipline of learning to keep your mouth shut.

You can understand why I felt set up for failure.

All jesting aside, it was a bit of a shock: a moment when the space between how you believe you are perceived and the evidence of another’s perception of you is found to be too vast to address in a civil manner.   The note put my mother bear instincts on instant high alert.  The only solution that presented itself to my raging mind was to write back that my daughter had not intended to draw naked people on her person, but rather sculpt nude replicas from Fimo after attending a naked hot yoga class, after which she would place them on her hat. 

Would you find it surprising that my husband and I have a system whereby I am not supposed to send emails when I’m angry? 

I was faced with a moment of decision.  I could either let my emotions rule, or I could invest in giving the benefit of the doubt to those who hurt me.  Don’t think for a moment that this is a blurb about how to be a better person; nothing could be farther from the truth.  This is a blurb for those who have met Jesus yet are continually faced with the fact that a ruinous force of self-righteousness lurks in their heart and much of their time is spent trying to figure out how to behave so as not to dishonor someone they love. 

So what is an angry, misunderstood, offended, Jesus-following woman to do?

This is the part where understanding you are a wretch is fairly helpful.  If you have ever failed, if you have ever been shamed for failing, and if you have ever felt regret you are blessed.  You have the ability to remind yourself of how you wish you had been treated and to act accordingly.  It is that simple. 

I sat down in front of my computer and wrote a response to the naked people email.  It was detailed and elaborate, covering every angle I could think of and listing all possible areas of misunderstanding.   I walked away from my masterpiece for a few hours and let it sit.  When I returned, I considered how much of what I had written was about me wanting to be understood and how much actually addressed the issue at hand.  Hitting delete, I started a new letter that contained a simple answer.  No, my daughter's hat would not be covered in images of someone’s nether regions.  Thank you for checking in with me.  Thank you for all your hard work.

Simple.

It seems to me that the church is big on the power of God “to do.”  We ask God to bless, to pour out, and to release.  These days, I’m much more focused on God’s power to withhold, to restrain and to contain.  Not because containing is better than pouring out, but that with the Lord, both come from a place of love.  Sometimes we need to learn that not expressing ourselves is the more loving thing to do.

And so I am praying for wisdom for you this week my friend, especially in the presence of your enemies.  Those who pat then jab, those who blink then wink, those who smile then smirk; that Jesus would contain and restrain their effects against you.  That by his grace, you would be able to restrain yourself and cover the naked unkindness that you see in your community so that you might become an agent of change.

Yep.  I just used "agent of change" in a sentence.  I’m really sorry.  There is no excuse for that.

Be amazing this week.  Bite your tongue. Pray for those who are unkind.

xoxKaren

Opinions May Vary

No idea what picture to use.  This is beautiful.

Although the conversation happened 12 years ago, I remember it clearly.  It was after dinner and I had caught, washed and corralled my children into their beds.  Pouring myself a cup of tea, I dropped on the chesterfield and sighed.  Life with littles is busy and I was anticipating the two hours of quiet I would have to myself before bed.  The phone rang.  It was the landline.  I remember because my portable phone had died so I grabbed my tea and relocated to the kitchen floor where the phone was plugged into the wall in all its prehistoric glory. 

“Hello?”

“I can’t do this.  I can’t.”  There were more words but I couldn’t make them out but I recognized the voice.  Minka was a young 20 something I had taken under my wing 3 years earlier.  We had an easy friendship, with me fulfilling the role of big sister and mentor.  It was one of those God relationships, filled with mutual affection and kindness.  “What’s happened?   Where are you?  Are you safe?”  A wave of panic passed through my body, as I listened to her sob, “Are you okay?”  When she spoke again she was shouting, “I just cannot do this!  I can’t!  I’m not smart enough, today was horrible.  My instructor told me so.  She said I’m not cut out to be a nurse, I think she might be right.”  All I could do was wait until the tears subsided.  “Breathe.  I’m here.  Tell me what happened.”    

Conversations with Minka hadn’t been easy recently.  She was enrolled in the nursing program at the local college and as a single mother school did not come easily. Almost nightly, she would check in and tell me how the day went, its challenges and her victories.  We made a big deal of her success back then because it was hard to come by.  The idea of going back to school wasn’t hers.  My husband and I had invited her to dinner several months earlier in order to talk about her future and introduce the idea of higher education.  My role then, was of cheerleader, advocate and study partner as Minka fought her way through school.  My phone bill in those days was astronomical. 

This evening though, Minka was distraught.  During her shift she had experienced the death of a patient.  The gentleman was elderly so it wasn’t a complete surprise; however the experience, unlike anything Minka had known, left her shaken.  The situation would have been manageable were it not for the instructor supervising Minka that week.  An efficient woman, this instructor had taken an instant dislike to Minka.  It wasn’t long before her dislike grew into animosity and when combined with supervisory power, the instructor pursued Minka with a hostility that bordered on abusive.  My dear friend was left to learn to tend to the needs of a corpse while her instructor let fly a constant stream of criticism and rebuke.  Her tale included such unkindness she felt utterly defeated.  “I am going to quit,” Minka declared.  “They are going to fire me anyway.”

I remember that night as significant because Minka and I had a fight that left us both in tears.  “You aren’t quitting,” I said.  “Quitting isn’t an option.  We don’t quit.  If they want to throw you out that is fine.  Let them throw you out.  That is the only option.”   For the next three months almost every conversation ended that way.  “You got through today.  You did a good job.  If they want to throw you out they can.  You didn’t quit today and you won’t quit tomorrow.”  Regardless of how many times Minka cried or told me she couldn’t do it the statement was the same.  “If they want to throw you out they can.  You aren’t quitting.”

Eventually, all the days of deciding not to quit paid off and Minka became a nurse. The unkind instructor never did manage to get her thrown out of nursing school.  It was a victory that cost us both in grey hair.  The Nursing profession has served Minka well over the years as she has raised a family and moved from coast to coast.    It was then, a bit of a surprise to be reminded of that horrible season so casually this week.  A call to Minka was followed by a series of texts the next day. 

I forgot to tell you!  I got that teaching job I applied for at the college.

What?  With the difficult people from your school days?

Yes!  Life is crazy.  You should have seen the look on the face of the instructor that tried to get me kicked out of the program when I walked into the staff room to pick up my name tag!!  It was awesome!  I was humbled.   

I would have liked to see that.

I think I would have enjoyed the story more if Minka told me she started to sing “I’m Still Standing” under her breath as she walked… no danced…. by Mrs. Troll Instructor, but in truth, gloating wasn’t necessary.  We both know she got through that season by God’s grace alone.  It was so unbearable, only he could have seen her through.

This has me thinking this week; about those who currently have to deal with people whose hearts are against you.  A short time ago, I was told by a woman that I was uptight, interventionist and a busybody.  Forty minutes later, I was told by another woman that I was thoughtful, conscientious and caring.   More perplexing was that both women were referring to the same incident. 

This is where the difficult discipline of accountability pays dividends.  Before and after the incident transpired, I had spoken to someone wiser than myself.  I asked her to correct me and to challenge my actions both before and after the incident transpired.  Having done all I could and staying accountable to someone in authority gave me the freedom to walk on.   Sometimes my friend, when someone’s heart is against you, you need to take the loss and keep moving.

Accountability isn’t fashionable these days, especially where women are concerned.  In a culture that believes everyone has a truth and all truth is subjective, moral absolutes are abhorrent.   However, for those who choose transparency and community there are few things more comforting than a friend who puts their arm around you and says, “I hear you but you blew it.  You did this part well, but this is where you fell short.”  I’m not saying that be corrected always feels good, but blessed is the woman who can admit her short comings and not stand in self-righteousness when others fail.   You either learn that everyone falls short of the mark, or you begin to believe you are better than others.  It boils down to those who want to make peace and those for whom self-righteousness is all important.   

Mockers resent correction, so they avoid the wise.  Proverbs 15:12

Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.

Proverbs 19:20

Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, Proverbs 3:13

Nothing says unattractive like a face that is set in accusation.  It probably gives you bad breath too. Not a Proverb.

So I am praying for those of us who are operating in the face of opposition:  praying that we will remain accountable to others for our actions as opposed to our own limited perspective.  That the opposition we face will cause us to grow in grace and compassion as opposed to self-righteousness and bitterness. That we will learn the balance between laying down our lives for others while refusing to be a doormat to those who use us ill.   And praying earnestly that where you are wounded will be healed by the Spirit of Peace.

You are amazing.  Be kind. Keep standing.

xoxKaren