Sunday, January 24, 2016

The Road to Forgiveness



You shouldn’t scream at senior citizens. 

It makes a good life rule don’t you think? In fact, I tell frustrated adult children that if their parent hasn’t changed a particular life pattern by the time they are 60, there is little chance for transformation.  “You might want to save your breath,“ I tell them “and alter your expectations.”  Sensible advice. 

This however, does little to explain my behavior last week.  Late Tuesday afternoon found me slogging through traffic on a road I detest.  The view is great but the traffic pattern is from Satan.  I was ten minutes into the drive when a car came out of nowhere and pulled a traffic maneuver so egregious several cars got cross and honked their horns. 

I am not a proponent of excessive horn honking.  Don't get me wrong, I will use it occasionally, but this was different.  The horn was useless because the horn can’t speak like I can.  It lacks a self-righteousness and fury that I find easily accessible. Which must be why I felt it a good time to start shouting, “Are you serious?  You have got to know better than that,” as I swerved to avoid being hit.  One more ridiculous maneuver from super-bad-driver-guy and I lost it.  I pulled up beside the vehicle to get his attention.  Surprised, he looked over at me as I waggled my finger and flapped my arms.  My 15 year old was dying in the front seat.  “Mom please!” she groaned weakly as she folded herself in half to become invisible.  “I’m only getting started!” I growled.  “Move!”  Super-bad-driver- guy was actually looking scared as he tried to inch away from my vehicle. I caught sight of him and information started to filter past my shield of sanctimonious grandeur. 

Senior…looking uncomfortable…wearing baseball cap…cap perched on his head in that crazy over 70 year old way… trying to run away from you in his vehicle…daughter on the floor…daughter starting driving lessons in a few months…is rolling down your window so he can hear you a really good idea..?    

“You are a psychopath!” I yelled in frustration and took to the left turn lane.  I expect he was thinking the same thing as he sped away to the chorus of car horns.  I had to get off the road and take a breather before I spontaneously combusted.  “Wow Mum,” says daughter “You’re a bit intense.”  I growled some more. 

To be honest my friend, the week went from there.  I was short tempered and angry at anything that was breathing.  No. That’s a lie.  The laundry in the house made me cross too and my blender broke.  You get the idea. I was caught in a funk.

It was at bible study a few days later that the Lord snapped me out of my indignant reign of terror.  Our opening talk was given by a woman who had recently visited the country of Rwanda.  She shared about her trip, the organization she traveled with and the people she met. 

Rwanda is an east African country and is known as the “Land of a Thousand Hills” due to its beautiful landscape. It is known in the west for the horrific genocide its population experienced in 1994.  Numbers vary, but it is estimated that between 500 000 – to 1 000 000 people died in from April to July of that year.  Our speaker had visited a Rwandan couple whose age difference was approximately 20 years.  He was 63 and she was 40.  My friend made a joke by way of gentle teasing, scolding him for "robbing the cradle.”  Her hosts corrected her with grace and dignity.  It was the genocide they explained.  He lost his entire family during that time, his wife and his children.  A large percentage of their generation was murdered.  Remarriage and the age difference was simply part of their reality in a country where approximately 20% of the population was removed.  Loss on an epic scale, staining the soil and psyche alike.  

Our speaker then mentioned that rebuilding is taking place and many who fled to neighboring countries were now returning.  Those whose families who had been murdered and those who had done the killing, looking to move home.  I honestly cannot remember the words she spoke, but I was struck by the impossibility of trying to live alongside those who had murdered friends and family.  The courage needed to keep going is indescribable. Everything in my life kind of shrunk down and shriveled as I thought about trying to live in such difficult circumstances. 

I was ashamed.  In my world, I can’t even get along with super-bad-driver-guy.

There are some things that we, as humans, cannot do without the help of God. Forgiveness strikes me as one of those things.  It contains the characteristics of the divine.  The ability to pick up and move forward after devastation and loss, are made possible by the grace He provides.  Granted, one doesn’t need to look halfway around the globe to find pain and anguish, though it never hurts to turn our eyes to another’s suffering.  Can I encourage you to spend some time in prayer this week for those who have experienced great loss? You might find that it helps to take the edge off your own turmoil and gives you the basis for gratitude again.

I’m praying for you this week.

xoxKaren   

P.S.  Even the carrots at my house were grumpy this week.   

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